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IELTS TASK 1 : the proportion of changes in students graduated from universities in Canadian


hasdymath 11 / 25  
Nov 11, 2015   #1
A breakdown of the proportion of changes in students graduated from universities in eight dissimilar provinces in Canada from 2001 to 2006, a five-year period is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it is clearly seen that the percentage of international-student graduates in 2006 were higher than the other one. In any case, although student graduates in Alberta province was dominated in 2001, the other provinces experienced a reserve.

To begin, graduate numbers in some provinces reached over eight percent, and the proportion of graduates in 2006 always surpassed the year of 2001. International graduates in New Brunswick witnessed the greatest number of students at approximately 12% of proportion, figure for nova Scotia graduates experienced virtually the same proportion as it was in British Columbia at about 10%, while Quebec international graduates was at nearly nine percent. In contrast, 2001 experienced under eight percent of the number of graduates in the four provinces.

A more detail look at the graph reveals that the remaining figures showed proportions of international-student graduates were at around six percent. There was a similar percentage of the number of graduates between Manibota and Newfoundland province at virtually seven percent and three percent respectively in 2006 and 2001. Astonishingly, Alberta graduates were higher in 2001 (around 6%) than 2006 (around 4%).




shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Nov 11, 2015   #2
A breakdown of the proportion of changes in students graduated from universities in eight dissimilar provinces in Canada from 2001 to 2006, a five-year period (1) is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it is clearly seen that the percentage of international-student graduates in 2006 were higher than the other one. In any case, although student graduates in Alberta province was dominated in 2001, the other provinces experienced a reserve.

1. Do you want to use an appositive for this phrase? There are many ways to use the appositive correctly. One of them is when the appositive interrupts the sentence, put commas after and before the phrase. Therefore, it should look like this: ... from 2001 to 2006, a 5-year period,is... (see the way I put commas)

2. Hasdi, I found that you have a subject-verb agreement problem. This problem usually appears when it comes to complex sentences which contain compound subjects or long noun phrases. Please pay attention to recognize and fix this problem. Better you check your grammar before uploading your essay

... the percentage of ... was higher ...
...graduateswere dominated ...
3. Another problem is the term student graduates . 'student' means you are still learning at a university while 'graduate' means you have passed the university's process and get a degree. In my opinion, those are different terms you cannot join. May be the best term to replace this is 'university graduates'.

Hope this helps ~ Shinta


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