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Proportion of factors why production of farmland decreased in 1990s


Pramudia27 34 / 55 2  
Oct 29, 2016   #1
Writing IELTS Task 1- DEGRADATION LAND

Proportion of factor why production of farmland decrease in 1990s based on main causes and in universe and region is provided by graph table. Overall it can be seen that the biggest factor of declining of agricultural production is caused by overgrazing, and Europe has the widest degradation of land.

First of all, the deforestation causes about 30% of all land degradation in worldwide. This proportion is less than overgrazing factor about 35%. Beside, over cultivate have proportion over first-quarter of reasons.

On the other hand, North America has the smallest land degradation in three regions. Furthermore, proportion of over cultivate just about 3.3 %. This is higher than in south pacific which is no over cultivation. Meanwhile, Europa has deforestation factor about 9.8%, and also this area has land degradation about 23%. Whereas, ocean pacific has a bad land which causes of degradation about 13% of all this region include Australia and new Zealand.




SarlindaDS_27 42 / 52 5  
Oct 29, 2016   #2
Good Night Miss Pram :)
Let me give you my suggestions :)

Actually, I can follow and enjoy your summary. But, I have some notes for you :) I hope it will be help you be better next time :)Here are ..

---I think you must begin your introduction paragraph with make some paraphrasing of the question or clue that has given to you. Because I don't found you rewrite it on your introduction above. Better if you start with give one sentences paraphrasing of the question and next give your overview and explanations on the body of your summary :)

--- farmland +HAS decreaseD in 1990s => You can use present perfect tense for type of question like this.

---and in universe and region is provided by graph table ==> I think you don't give clear explanation about your paraphrasing.

---First of al l==> Better if you use other conjunctions such as "Based on the data" or "Although" than "First of all", because you are not explains about a process of something.

Okay , Pram.. I hope you can keep practice and be better next time and good luck dear :*
ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Oct 30, 2016   #3
Hello pramm, i will give you suggestion:

Proportion of factor (I think,you should say like this: There are some factors) why production of farmland ...
to avoid the repetition you can change "about" become
1. Approximately
2. Around
3. round
4. roughly
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Nov 2, 2016   #4
INTRODUCTION

Proportion of factor why production of farmland decrease in 1990s based on main causes and in universe and region is provided by graph table .

INEFFECTIVE AND HARD TO UNDERSTAND
YOU MAY NEED TO WRITE :the proportion of factors causing why farmland production decreased globally in 1990s and some regions affected by those factors is provided by the graph.

you presented an appropriately chosen information here to be presented as an overview

BODY PARAGRAPH

First of all, the deforestation causes CAUSED about ....
This proportion is WAS less than ...
Beside, over cultivate have HAD proportion....

On the other hand, North America has HAD the smallest land degradation in BETWEEN three regions.
WAS just about 3.3 % IN THIS COUNTRY
. This is WAS higher than in south pacific which is WAS no over cultivation.
.... has HAD deforestation factor CAUSING DEGRADATION about 9.8%, and also WHILE 23% OF this area land WAS DEGRADED degradation about 23%.Wherea s, ocean pacific has HAD a bad land which causes of degradation [IMPROPER INFORMATION. NO SUPPORTING DETAILS] about 13% of all this region includeD Australia and new Zealand.

*did not mention all the features of pie chart. poorly developed
*predominant tenses errors
Anna94 47 / 56 3  
Nov 2, 2016   #5
HELLO,

... main causes and in universe and region [in some regions in the universe] is provided by graph table.

First of all, the deforestation causes ...
[not balance. your second paragraph too short meanwhile your third paragraph long, notice the length of whole essay]

This is [was ] higher than in south pacific which is [was ] no over cultivation. ... area has land degradation about 23%....
which causes of degradation about 13%
[you should combine or vary your sentence, because it repeat many times inside ]

GLUCK:D
Keep PRactiSing
nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 3, 2016   #6
Hello Pram!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

1. Be careful with tenses.
In task you should use past tense since there is a time signal in the task.

...of farmland decrease in 1990s based on main causes and...

2. Unclear explanation

First of all, the deforestation causes about 30% of all land degradation in worldwide. This proportion is less than overgrazing factor about 35%. Beside, over cultivate have proportion over first-quarter of reasons.

You should give more explanation here, you have mention all the features.
Look at example below:

The pie chart illustrates several reasons behind dropped of agricultural productivity. The biggest percentage is over-gazing by 35 percent. The, deforestation becomes the next reason which made 30 percent of farm and less productive. Over-cultivation in agricultural land also made land degradation increase. There were 28 percent of land degradation causes by this reason.

Hope it helps you :)


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