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The proportion of female members of parliament in 5 countries in Europe over a 12-year period

lehongphi2712 1 / -  
May 23, 2020   #1
Help me with my task 1 essay. How can I improve it?

Ielts test - chart analysis

The line graph demonstrates the proportion of female members of parliament in 5 countries in Europe over a 12-year period between 2000 and 2012.

Overall, it is clear that whereas women joining parliament increase in percentage in all the examined nations except that of Belgium throughout the given period.

Focusing on Germany, Italy, and France, while Italy's and France's, at the beginning, were nearly the same, with 27% and 25% respectively, the figure for Germany was considerably higher, at about 34%. However, despite the data for all three countries increasing, in the final year, Italy witnessed an apex by any nation, which was a little below 40%.

Turn to Belgium and the UK, the former started with around 16% female members, which was approximately four times higher than that of the latter, at nearly 5%. In the next 8 years, the fraction of the UK surged to 20%. After that, while the UK female participants' proportion had climbed gradually, the Belgium's had seen an opposite trend by the year 2012. By the end of the period, the figure for Belgium fell to below 25%, which was similar to that of the UK.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,857 4179  
May 23, 2020   #2
The summary overview requires additional data. The 5 countries involved in the survey should be listed along with the measurement type. It is not the proportion measured but rather the percentage. Proportion refers to refers to the share of female magistrates when compared to the male magistrates. The percentage, measures the number of women based on an overall composition. For example, "out of 100 % of participants, 25% were women." Proportion is used to refer to "the proportion of the males to females were 15 to 20" .These are differing measurement references. Use the correct measurement indicator at all times.

One of the reasons your essay may not receive a high score is because you did not use alternative references for the phrase female members of parliament. Alternative phrases would have been "women lawmakers", "lady parliamentarians", "female magistrates", to name but a few. You would not have scored well in the LR section as you failed to highlight your ability to use synonyms for the keyword in the presentation.

Also, you had neglected to present the overlapping information within the year 201, when the percentage would be equal for Belgium and France. That should have represented the similarity in the comparison points.

Also, you do not "turn" to Belgium. Rather, you will be "Turning" the discussion towards Belgium. You are currently reviewing the information so use the active action reference.

Your work is acceptable but incomplete. You need to focus more on providing accurate data and a proper analysis of the image provided.

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