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The proportion of female members of parliament in 5 countries in Europe over a 12-year period


lehongphi2712 1 / 2  
2 days ago   #1
Help me with my task 1 essay. How can I improve it?

Ielts test - chart analysis



The line graph demonstrates the proportion of female members of parliament in 5 countries in Europe over a 12-year period between 2000 and 2012.

Overall, it is clear that whereas women joining parliament increase in percentage in all the examined nations except that of Belgium throughout the given period.

Focusing on Germany, Italy, and France, while Italy's and France's, at the beginning, were nearly the same, with 27% and 25% respectively, the figure for Germany was considerably higher, at about 34%. However, despite the data for all three countries increasing, in the final year, Italy witnessed an apex by any nation, which was a little below 40%.

Turn to Belgium and the UK, the former started with around 16% female members, which was approximately four times higher than that of the latter, at nearly 5%. In the next 8 years, the fraction of the UK surged to 20%. After that, while the UK female participants' proportion had climbed gradually, the Belgium's had seen an opposite trend by the year 2012. By the end of the period, the figure for Belgium fell to below 25%, which was similar to that of the UK.




Holt [Contributor] - / 8,568 2485  
2 days ago   #2
The summary overview requires additional data. The 5 countries involved in the survey should be listed along with the measurement type. It is not the proportion measured but rather the percentage. Proportion refers to refers to the share of female magistrates when compared to the male magistrates. The percentage, measures the number of women based on an overall composition. For example, "out of 100 % of participants, 25% were women." Proportion is used to refer to "the proportion of the males to females were 15 to 20" .These are differing measurement references. Use the correct measurement indicator at all times.

One of the reasons your essay may not receive a high score is because you did not use alternative references for the phrase female members of parliament. Alternative phrases would have been "women lawmakers", "lady parliamentarians", "female magistrates", to name but a few. You would not have scored well in the LR section as you failed to highlight your ability to use synonyms for the keyword in the presentation.

Also, you had neglected to present the overlapping information within the year 201, when the percentage would be equal for Belgium and France. That should have represented the similarity in the comparison points.

Also, you do not "turn" to Belgium. Rather, you will be "Turning" the discussion towards Belgium. You are currently reviewing the information so use the active action reference.

Your work is acceptable but incomplete. You need to focus more on providing accurate data and a proper analysis of the image provided.
phx 1 / 3  
14 hrs ago   #3
in my point of view, your essay is OK
OP lehongphi2712 1 / 2  
12 hrs ago   #4
@Holt
Thanks you so much, your work pointed out many important things
I wrote this essay without dict in 20 minutes, so I do not have any word refering back to the term "parliament"
There is 1 more thing that I am still confusing about: Must I add the additional data to the overview? Can I achieve more score if the additional data is appropriate.?
OP lehongphi2712 1 / 2  
11 hrs ago   #5
@Holt
I did make some changes following your advice, can you check it a little bit :
The line graph demonstrates the percentage of female members of parliament in 5 countries in Europe which are Germany, Italy, France, the UK, and Belgium, over a 12-year period between 2000 and 2012.

Overall, it is clear that whereas women joining parliament increase in percentage in all the examined nations except that of Belgium throughout the given period. Additionally, there was an equal for France and UK in the year 2012.

Focusing on Germany, Italy, and France, while the percentage of women lawmakers in Italy and France, at the beginning, were nearly the same, with 27% and 25% respectively, the figure for Germany was considerably higher, at about 34%. However, despite the data for all three countries increasing, in the final year, the proportion of Italy's female magistrates witnessed an apex by any nation, which was a little below 40%.

Turning to Belgium and the UK, the former started with around 16% female members, which was approximately four times higher than that of the latter, at nearly 5%. In the next 8 years, the fraction of the UK surged to 20%. After that, while the UK female participants forming policies' percentage had climbed gradually, Belgium's had seen an opposite trend by the year 2012. By the end of the period, the figure for Belgium fell to below 25%, which was similar to that of the UK at the same time.


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