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Proportion of the hired teachers in Ontario during 6 years, based on graduation years and major


Pramudia27 34 / 55 2  
Oct 26, 2016   #1
Writing IELTS Task 1- The range of fresh regular teachers in Ontario - back from 2001 to 2007.

Proportion of the hired of teachers in Ontario during 6 years based on graduation years and subject is provided by line chart. Generally, the number English teacher decreased rapidly, and in contrast, the franc language teachers incline slightly. Nerveless, this job still were dominated by franc's teacher who graduated in 2007.

First of all, the percentages both of the teachers from difference subjects who got their degrees in 2001 stood at just under three-quarter. Then, the mentors who have finished their study in 2002 have gotten job of over 50% for being franc's teachers and just under 60% for teaching English. next, both of them have opposite trend for their changing until 2003, and also they incline simultaneously in 2005.

On the other hand, the English's teacher proportion who graduated between 2005 and 2007 bottomed at 2007. At the same period, the franc's lecturers have fluctuated trend and peak at over 70% in 2007.



badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Oct 26, 2016   #2
Hi Pram.
this is my suggestion.
1. ... and in contrast, the franc language teachers incline slightly. ... dominated by franc's teacher ...

there are some miss spelling, like --> franc, franc's teacher
franc's teacher--> France teacher... you don't need add ('s) because it mean noun clause
write nationality words with properly----> France, English

so this is my suggestion:
.., and in contrast, the France language teachers incline slightly. ... dominated by France teacher who graduated in 2007.

2. ... in 2002 have gotten job of over 50% ...

i think "of" and "over" ----> both are preposition.. so you can choose one of them
if you want to add information about "over" ---> >50%.. you can write (more than) 50%
put comma between two clauses.
franc's --> France

so this is my suggestion:
... finished their study in 2002, have gotten job of (more than) 50% ...

3. At the same period, the France lecturers have a fluctuated trend and peaked at more than 70% in 2007.
peak= noun so you have to add article "a" in front of the noun=peak
or you can change it in verb form---> "peaked"

good luck


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