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Ielts 1 - The proportion of household expenditures between Japan and Malaysia in the same year 2010


hau15122001 1 / 1  
Jan 15, 2020   #1
Hello everyone, I really need your help, so I will be extremely happy if I receive your feedback.

the average household expenditures in Japan and Malay



The pie charts describe the proportion of household expenditures between Japan and Malaysia in the same year 2010.
At first glance, it is clear that other goods and services contributed the most to the household expenditure of Japan, while housing was the largest segment of Malaysia's household expenditure. It is also noticeable that health care was the least significant part of the household expenditure both in Japan and Malaysia

The proportion of other goods and services accounted for 29% of Japan's expenditure. Meanwhile, there was a slight decrease that of Malaysia to 26%. Standing at 20%, the figure for the transport of Japan's expenditure was 10 times as much as that of Malaysia. In the same year, health care was at 6% and 3% of Japan and Malaysia respectively.

Housing, which comprised nearly a quarter of Japan's expenditure, grew significantly to 34% of Malaysia's expenditure. Whereas the proportion of food made up 24% and 27% in Japan and Malaysia respectively, a difference of 3%




Holt [Contributor] - / 8,828 2626  
Jan 16, 2020   #2
Since the pie charts are color coded, an explanation of the color codes, in relation to the breakdown of content should have been provided. That would have added accuracy to your reporting and also increased your word count for GRA and LR considerations. The report has a strong trending statement that would have been further helped had you actually listed what the comparisons were based on within the summary paragraph. Since there are actual figures presented in the chart, you must use the numerical references provided instead of uncertain word descriptors such as "10 times that of..." . This is a formal report, numerical figures are the key to your report accuracy. Proofread your work. You neglected the period at the end of the last paragraph sentence. That left the sentence open ended and the total essay incomplete in presentation. There are grammatical errors in your essay but these do not impede the understanding of the reader so much that it would have a severe adverse effect on your final scoring consideration.


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