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Writing Task 1 - the proportion between male and female in Australia, who commonly did exercises


minhhuyenle 1 / 2  
Jun 25, 2021   #1

Percentage of Australia men and women doing regular physical activity in 2010



The given data illustrates the proportion between male and female in Australia, who commonly did physical activity in different age groups, in 2010.

Overall, it can be seen that the frequency of women doing physical activities are much higher than men during the period of ages. However, at the end of period male shows an upward trend while female dropped unsteadily.

Looking at the figures, female has the highest percentage throughout the period, rising from 47.7% of 15 to 24 to 53.3% of 45 to 54 years. However, this percentage decrease slightly during every decade, only 47.1% of over- 65 year- old are doing exercise in late adulthood.

Conversely, at the beginning of period, men shows a downward trend after peaking 52.8% in ages of 15 to 24 years, these percents fell dramatically to 39.5%. But in the following ages of 45 to 54, the line rose slowly from 39.5% to 43.1% and continued to rise and peak at 46.7% at the older group towards the end of the period.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,021 4243  
Jun 26, 2021   #2
The essay represents an acceptable word count for this presentation. However, the accuracy of the data presented is questionable due to the lack of image. The image itself is not identified in an accurate or any manner in the summary overview. That is why it is impossible fur the reader to create an accurate mental image of the provided information. Prompt and information accuracy is questionable at this point. The report is quickly witten. It relies on easily viewable information from the image, providing a summary of information, but not an analysis of the data provided. Additional probing in the discussion is required as the funding statement cannot be veiled as a complete and thorough study of the image data.
morce183 2 / 2 1  
Jun 30, 2021   #3
@minhhuyenle
there is no image so it's hard for the readers to visualize the accurate image of the graph.
and there are some few grammar errors:
... doing physical activities are was much higher ...
... end of period male shows showed an upward trend ...

female has had the highest ...
men shows showed a downward trend ... -> nd it is not men showed...,
it should be the proportion/percentage of/the figure for ...


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