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The proportion of the most popular sports played by boys and girls in New Zealand (IELTS 1)


kirstenlee 1 / 1  
Aug 25, 2019   #1

The most common sports played in New Zealand



The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the most popular sports played by boys and girls in New Zealand in 2002. Overall, it is clearly that while 2 genders have approximately equal percentage in athletes, basketball and tennis, the others go in opposite direction.

In terms of netball and swimming, while this figure of boys only makes up 1% and nearly 23% particularly, girls absolutely dominate boys with the rates of precisely 25% and nearly 22%, respectively. In basketbal and tennis, the percentage of girls is slightly lower than this of boys about 2%.

Although boys have lower rates rates than girls do in swimming and netball, the proportion of boys is by far higher than that of girls in cricket, marital arts, soccer and other sports. Especially, boys joining in soccer greatly outnumbers girls around 25% to 5%, which is five times as much as the figure of girls. In other sportssuch as tennis and basketball, the percentage of boys participating in is higher than that of girls from 2% to 3%.




Maria - / 1,099 389  
Aug 29, 2019   #2
@kirstenlee
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

First and foremost, I appreciate how compact your writing is. Because your writing is compact, it enables people to fully comprehend smaller chunks of text. In the long-run, this is potentially helpful for readers to fully understand more how the flow of text functions.

I would only recommend that you try to incorporate more writing techniques that will make even more compact your text. For instance, take a look at the first sentence of your second paragraph. You could have merged together the two statistics that were found in this sentence to improve your maximization of space.

Additionally, if you take a look at your last paragraph's first sentence, the paragraph is too packed with unnecessary details that you could have opted to remove.


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