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The proportion of population by age in Oman and Spain

kanzanism 2 / 2 2  
Dec 11, 2019   #1

the comparison of Oman and Spain population

The charts compare changes in the number of populations by age of Oman and Spain in 2005 and predictions for 2055.

The main facts that stand out are that the figure for elderly people in Spain showed its superiority over another age-divided groups while the figure for old people and young&children group in Oman reached the same level within the time frame. More so, in the next half-century, the productive age's group is predicted to dominate the Spain's residents which reverses to Oman's forecasting where the group, despite a slight growth, is still expected to be the lowest proportion of the country's occupants.

In 2005, the elderly group controlled the Spain's inhabitants which accounted for well above a half-population and productive age's category became the lowest proportion both in Spain, even much higher, and Oman.

In 2055, the aged people category in Spain is expected to decrease about 16% and still, will become the highest proportion of the country's occupants. In reverse, the same group in Oman is likely to jump for 9% and will control the country's population. Turning to productive age's group in Spain, it is forecasted to compete the highest population, with that number standing at 42%. However, the same group in Oman is predicted to be prevailed consistency.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Dec 11, 2019   #2
Task Achievement:

- You need to first include the picture, so this helps readers understand the graph and the report that you are trying to write.
- You wrote the overview, but this is too bulky. You need to write it succinctly. I found many hackneyed phrase that make your essay become boring to read or hear. One of them is The main facts that stand out are. This can be categorized as a memorized phrase as more IELTS students use this in their report. To avoid getting penalized, then you'd better omit this. Creating your own sentences always sounds better.

- In details 1, you select and describe the details, but you do not always support them with data.
- Turning to productive age's group how do you gauge this as the productive age? It is unclear, and I suggest you make some changes.

- Avoid the word " control" - it has different meaning as you think

Coherence and Cohesion:
- The report is not well organized. Make sure the overview describes the main trend and differences succinctly.
- Some linking words linked the sentences are irrelevant, like and still,

Lexical Resource:
In details 2:
- Using a journalistic vocabulary, like to jump for will not improve your score in Lexical resource
- Instead of using this as a verb it is forecasted to , a noun combination is much better.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
- You attempt to use a reasonable variety of complex sentences, but majority are inaccurate.
- Simplify your sentences
- Although your errors are minors and do not affect the communication, you need to reduce them as to achieve a better score

Hope this helps

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