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IELTS: The proportion of postgraduate students owning a computer


Anh Nguyen 265 4 / 11 3  
May 14, 2014   #1
Hello everybody, I am a newbie in this forum, please help me with my IELTS writing, score my work on 4 tasks of the test. All comments are welcome and appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Topic: The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first bar graph shows changes in the percentage of residents owning computers over an 8-year period. The second chart compares the proportions of computer ownership by education level in 2002 and 2010.

It is of note that, the percentage of people affording a computer was on the upward trend over the given period. In addition, people tended to buy a computer as they achieved a higher qualification, and this pattern had a significant increase in 2010.

In the year 2002, the ownership of computer accounted for almost 55% of population. This figure had an uninterrupted growth to about 70% in the next six years, and reached the peak at around 75% in 2010, a 5 percent rise every two years.

The proportion of postgraduate students owning a computer had a noticeable higher than those in any level of education in both years, at 80% and 90% respectively. In contrast, inhabitants without any qualifications had the lowest percentage of computer ownership at only 15% in 2002, but tripled the figure to 45% in 2010.






Andy_Vo 2 / 5  
May 14, 2014   #2
overall it's a good essay, but be careful with the chosen word. Inhabitants, in my opinion, is a acceptable word but not the most appropriate one, instead you can use residents, flock, assembly.
OP Anh Nguyen 265 4 / 11 3  
May 14, 2014   #3
Thank you for your cmt Andy_Vo. I will take your feedback into consideration.
To dumi: I believe that I have organized my essay according to you recommended structure. My 1st paragraph is my introduction, then in my 2nd paragraph, I gave some main points of both of graphs as I figured out ( I do not know that whether they are enough for an overview), and my 3rd and 4th paragraphs are about noticeable details of the charts. Are they sufficient or need more information?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 14, 2014   #4
Yes, the intro and overview look fine. Always mention the specific time period in the intro ;

The first bar graph shows changes in the percentage of residents owning computers over an 8-year period.

mention the period - from 2002 to 2010.
Also, I think your body paras need a bit more details.
Overall, you write very well and hope you managed time well too :)


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