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IELTS Writing Task 2 Proportion of Pupils Attending School Between 2000 and 2009


Yonathan 46 / 65 5  
Sep 29, 2016   #1
The table presented the comparison of Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between 2000 and 2009. It is important to notice that almost every school attendance had decreased gradually between 2000 and 2009 except community school which increased gradually between 2000 and 2009

In 2000 Voluntary-controlled Schools had the biggest percentage of school attendance with 52% or more than a half of total school attendance. The second is Grammar School with 24% or less than a quarter of total school attendance. The last, specialist Schools and Community Schools had the lowest percentage of school attendance with 12% or less than a fifth of total School attendance.

In the other hand, in 2009 Community Schools had increased significantly with 58% or more than a half of total school attendance. And Voluntary-controlled Schools had decreased gradually with 20% or a fifth of total school attendance, Grammar School also decreased gradually with 12% or less than a fifth of total school attendance. In the end, Specialist School had the lowest percentage of 10% or just one in ten of total school attendance.




PHA2016 39 / 62 4  
Sep 29, 2016   #2
Hello Yonatan,

It isthose are [plural] important to notice that ...

In 2000 Voluntary-controlled Schools had [had+v3] shownit the biggest percentage of is school attendance with amount 52% or more ...

The second Then,it is Grammar School with ...

The last,while specialist Schools and Community ...

Hope these help
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Sep 29, 2016   #3
Hi Yonathan,

here's my analysis towards your report summary of IELTS task 1. I hope this would be helpful.

1st paragraph:
- The table presentedpresented table depicts the comparison (...) School Types Betweenbetween 2000 and 2009.
- Overall, it is important to noticenote that almost every (...) decreased gradually between 2000 and 2009 except community school which moderately increased graduallybetween 2000 and 2009in a 9-year period.(I did alter some words to AVOID repetition. Repetitive usage of words can lower your band score)

- (I assume that you need one more sentence to cover the general trends of the essay itself. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented.)

2nd paragraph:
- Don't you realize that this paragraph's structure is predictable and monotonous? Try to read and check again once more.

>>>... percentage of school attendance with 52% or more than a half of total school attendance.
>>>The second is Grammar School with 24% or less than a quarter of total ...
>>>... percentage of school attendance with 12% or less than a fifth of total School attendance.

Writing in a monotonous pattern like what you've done would badly damage your score to 5.0 due to "limited range of structures" that you've made. My suggestion is that you can try to vary the sentence structure by reading some IELTS task 1 samples. I hope this helps :)
mdamanhuri77 22 / 35 3  
Sep 29, 2016   #4
The table presentedshows the comparison of Proportions of Pupils Attendingattending pupils in Four Secondary School ...
... every school attendance had decreased gradually between 2000 and 2009 exceptbut community school which ...

... of school attendance with 52% or more than a half of total school attendance. The second one is Grammar School with 24% or less than a quarter of total school attendance.

... of school attendance with 12% or less than a fifth of total School attendance.

... in 2009 Community Schools had increased significantly with 58% or more than a half of total school attendance.
... Schools had decreased gradually with 20% or a fifth o f total school (...) also decreased gradually with 12% or less than a fifth of total school attendance.

... lowest percentage of 10% or just one in ten of total school attendance.

the grren one is repetition,,you have to replaced with others,,and not efective explanation


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