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The proportion of pupils who passed the final examination in their secondary school


Pramudia27 34 / 55 2  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the proportion of pupils who pass from final examination in their secondary school based on subjects and sexes during the period 2010-2011 is provided by bar graph. Overall, it can be seen that computer science was the easiest subject for the girls, and geography was the hardest one for them. Besides, the boys tended to get difficult in chemistry.

Regarding to science program, the students who could pass the physics examination about 36.7% for boy students and for girl students, the graph showed quite little different proportion. Furthermore, the figure for mathematics demonstrated quite the same proportion for both of sexes. Meanwhile, the proportion of boy pupils who success in the chemistry examination was about 14.1%. whereas, the figure for computer science demonstrated about over than 42.1 % for both genders.

On the other hand, in social science program, the percentage for the boys who success in history exam was about 22.9%, and this proportion was lower than the girls percentages in same case. Meanwhile, both of genders experienced quite the same proportion in foreign language subject, and in geography, the boys showed higher than the girls.

ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Hello pram i will give you some suggestion:

Regarding to science program, the students who could pass the physics examination about 36.7% for boy students and for girl students, the graph showed quite little different proportion. Furthermore, the figure for mathematics demonstrated quite the same proportion for both of sexes. Meanwhile, the proportion of boy pupils who success in the chemistry examination was about 14.1%. whereas, the figure for computer science demonstrated about over than 42.1 % for both genders. ....>>> it will good if you make a main idea in the first sentence and then give explanation about that.

Overall, your essay is good, but in lexical resource you use a limited range of vocabulary, but it is minimally adequate for the task. And there was repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution,
nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 28, 2016   #3
Hello Pram!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

... pupils who passed the final examination (...) subjects and sexes from 2010 to 2011, measured by percentage, is provided by bar graph.

..., and geography was the hardest one for them.

The easiest and the hardest?
I am afraid that you get misunderstanding about the data.
The percentage refers to the number of students. It doesn't relate to how difficult or easy the exam is.

Keep better! Fighting :)


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