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IELTS TASK 1 - THE PROPORTION OF SEVERAL ISSUE FACED BY PEOPLE GOING ABROAD


andika06 11 / 10 3  
Jan 21, 2016   #1
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of several issues faced by people going abroad for living there according to their age categories. Overall, it can be seen clearly that the age group who have the largest problems is middle age's immigrants. In this case, sorting out healthcare is the most common problem, while finding school for their children is the lowest popular issue for all age groups.

To begin, choosing health care is the greatest problem for new comers aged 35-54 and over 55 in which this problem is experienced by more than 35% for both age's groups. However, for population aged 18-34, the most dominant difficulty is arranging money. Next, this problem is also the second most problem encountered by 35-54 years old people and elderly group with proportion were respectively 35% and nearly three in ten. In addition, sorting out healthcare witnessed the percentage approximately 32% for youngest group.

Turning to looking for schools to their children, this is most common problem among people aged 35-54 settling overseas, whilst for others, it was the lowest percentages.




vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 21, 2016   #2
There are some relatively minor corrections that needed to be addressed in the report. Nothing that would clearly affect the report that you wrote but aiming for better grammar in your next essay will be a benefit to your final score. So think of each essay that you write as an actual test that will be graded. Do your best to make sure that the grammar or message of the essay is very clear to the reader.

... faced by people going abroad for living there IMMIGRATING according to... that the age group who have WITH the largest problems is middle age's ARE THE MIDDLE AGE immigrants... while finding A school for their ...

... over 55 in which WITH this problem is experienced by more than 35% for OF both age's groups... for THE population ... dominant difficulty is arranging money A SOURCE OF INCOME. Next, this problem is THIS IS also the second most COMMON problem encountered by 35-54 years old people and THE elderly group with A proportion were respectively OF 35% and SIGNIFYING nearly three in ten...

witnessed the percentage approximately 32% for youngest group.
- Witnessed what percentage? to what degree?

... it was the lowest percentages .
Riiskacha03 31 / 34 5  
Jan 21, 2016   #3
is the greatest problem for newcomers aged 35 to 54 and over 55

Next, this problem is also the second most problem encountered by 35-54 years old people and elderly group with proportion were 35% and nearly three in ten respectively

overall, I think it is better if you can clearly compare the data, based on your grouping.
You also have to rearrange your grouping. I suggest you to group it by the age which experience similar pattern, it would be easier to compare them in that way, so you can compare the people who aged from 35 to 54 and over 55 first, then explain the other group.

Turning to ON looking for schools to their children, ...
Syahrul08 3 / 2 1  
Jan 21, 2016   #4
it was the lowest percentages .


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