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IELTS W. TASK 1: Proportion of vehicle registration in US between 1970-2010.


jhhh11 8 / 18 3  
Jun 29, 2020   #1
Hi everyone, I wrote this paragraph for IELTS Writing Task 1. I really appreciate any help/comment!

The graph below shoes changes in the share of vehicle registration of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.

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Word Count: 150
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The line graph reports the ratio of the means of transportation in the United States between 1970 and 2010. Overall, trucks occupied the majority of the transportation registration, followed by taxis, then buses. In 1970, almost 50% of the vehicle registered were trucks, while 25% were taxis, and buses took up above 5%. In 1980, however, taxis rose to the highest proportion since the number of trucks steeply declined; buses also had an increase and met its peak. From 1980 onwards, the number of trucks gradually increased, in contrast, were buses. Taxis had its trough in the year 2000 but soon rose strongly afterward. By 2010, compared to the starting points, taxis were the only mean of transportation that gained popularity in vehicle registration in the United States, while the other two both declined. In particular, the new proportions of trucks, taxis, and buses were 45%, 35%, and 3% respectively.




Holt [Contributor] - / 8,816 2619  
Jun 29, 2020   #3
While 150 is the minimum word requirement, the exam taker is expected to write between 175-190 words. That is because there is a 3 paragraph requirement for this report. The sentence requirement for each paragraph is between 3-5 sentences. Your essay is improperly formatted. The paragraphs should have been presented in the essay as follows:

Par. 1: Summary overview + trending statement
Par. 2: Data reporting
Par. 3: Comparison points

Since the essay is not properly formatted, I cannot accurately assess your work in terms of written requirements. You should know how to divide each paragraph based on the discussion instruction requirements. That is why the essay is short in terms of information presentation, information assessment, and comparison data. Each of those requirements should be seen in separate paragraph presentations.

I should be able to give you a better assessment of your data presentation skills when you post your next essay. I hope you will have that essay properly formatted so that a true assessment of your Task 1 abilities can be made.
OP jhhh11 8 / 18 3  
Jun 30, 2020   #4
This is the 2nd version I wrote for this question. Thank you to all who gave comments!
I really appreciate comment on "Lexical Resources" and "Grammatical Range and Accuracy" criteria.

***Can someone also please estimate which band score this essay is? (e.g. should be above 6.0?)

Thank you!!

The graph below shoes changes in the share of vehicle registration of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.

Word Count: 181

The line graph reports the percentage of shares of the three most common commercial vehicles registered in the United States, from 1970 to 2010.

Overall, trucks were the dominant automobile used in the US, although the shares between trucks, buses, and taxis varied notably over time. However, among the three vehicles, only taxis gained more proportion after 40 years.

At the start of the period, trucks accounted for almost 50% of the vehicles registered, while 23% were taxis and buses had a 6% portion. Between 1970 and 1980, upward trends were seen for taxis and buses, in contrast to trucks. This lead to the fact that in 1980, taxis ascended temporarily to the most commonly registered vehicle.

In the following 20 years, the trends between the three vehicles were distinct. Trucks grew steadily in proportion and reached 45% by 2010. Buses declined consistently and ended up with around 2%. Regarding taxis, the share dropped significantly in the next 20 years, before surging rapidly up to the year 2010. By this time, 35% of the automobiles registered in the United State were taxis.


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