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Pros or cons of mobile phone; contribution to society cannot be underestimated


Mimo00 1 / 2  
Feb 13, 2014   #1
Pros or cons of mobile phone

Mobile phone is a powful communication tool that almost everyone in this world is utilizing.Discussion now centres on whether this significant invention has exerted more positive or negative influence on people's life.While there are both benefits and drawbacks to a multicultural society, it is safe to say that the pros outweigh the cons.

Mobile phones build bridges across five continents which promote and facilitate people's communication. For business and commerce, people can stay in touch with their clients, employers with employees and so on. Now people can work outside their office and never be out of the information loops.

Further more, mobile phones can distribute informations as far as possible which is benefit for someone who has an emergency to report or is in danger. Mobiles can literally be a lifesaver.

The flip side though is that with an increasing popularity of mobile phones, people's obsession with convenience has meanwhile caused enormous disturbance. That's why the use of mobiles has been prohibited in some public places such as libraries and airplanes. What's more, there is a negative effect on users' health. For instance, long-time heavy phone users seem to be prone to certain types of eye disorders.

All in all, the contribution of mobile phone to society cannot be underestimated and people's dependence on it for communication is an inevitable trend, although it has a number of problems that should be well handled. I believe we will find a way to let the mobile phones be shaped by our lives and not vice versa.

Karlito 2 / 2  
Feb 13, 2014   #2
You should begin the paragraph with the introductory words such as: first of all ,on the other hand, to begin with, etc.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 13, 2014   #3
While there are both benefits and drawbacks to amulticultural society, it is safe to say that the pros outweigh the cons

... why did you say "multicultural" society? What's the significance? You better tell the reader about that as it is otherwise not clear to them.

Anyway, it's a very good intro :)

For instance, long-time heavy phone users seem to be prone to certain types of eye disorders.

For instance, those who use phones too often and for longer periods can be prone to certain health issues.
You write extremely well :) Good grammar, vocabulary, presentation and of course essay structure :) Overall , very good job!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 13, 2014   #4
First, I have a small admin request for you - You need to open all your IELTS threads in Writing Feedback forum. (this was transfered from Essay Term papers to Writing Feedback by me)

Selecting the most appropriate forum is an EF rule :)
You write extremely well and it seems you have a good idea about the desired essay structure too. However, I am going to copy the one that we suggest and hope it'll be helpful for you.
OP Mimo00 1 / 2  
Feb 13, 2014   #5
Thanks all of you:)
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 16, 2014   #6
Further more , mobile....

without space

report or is in danger.

is should have subject

That's why...

What's more,...

avoid contraction in formal writing

to certain

to + v1
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Mar 3, 2014   #7
You have had very great commentaries :)

Here are a few details to work with your concluding paragraph

THE CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH
This has three parts:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1 a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)
OP Mimo00 1 / 2  
Mar 3, 2014   #8
lol, thanks for all of you.
It's really kind of you!!!


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