Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Pros and cons of raising fees in universities


beepro21 15 / 22  
Oct 10, 2011   #1
I have written this essay under time pressure.It may have some mistakes in ideas or using words so I hope that you can help me to improve this writing. Give me comments and scores if possible.Many thanks!

Many universities now are considering raising fees as a means to improve training quality. Discuss advantage and disadvantages of such a move.The issue of raising fees in universities becomes one of the most controversial topics in our society.Some people think that raising fees means improvement in training quality while some others do not support this idea because of many drawbacks of this move. From my point of view, raising fees has both certain advantages and disadvantages.

Firstly, raising fees means that more money is invested in course books, reference books, teacher quality, teacher's lives, educational facilities and other services. Universities will have chance to upgrade their infrastructures, study room systems, libraries and even hostels as well. Universities can For example, university can use the money to update course books' content, widen libraries , increase teachers 'salaries, buy new facilities , repair old study rooms and hostels. As a result, students can get benefits from these changes and the training quality may be improved remarkably.

On the other hand, we can not mention to disadvantages of raising fees. Clearly, raising fees creates a burden to students especially those from poor families. Some students can not enter their dream universities because they cannot afford the fees, which seem to affect educational socialization considerably. In addition, if the money is not managed wisely, it will be used for private purposes of some authority people. For instance, a headmaster of a university may use the fees for his own sake instead of using them to improve training quality.

In conclusion, raising fees can help to improve training quality if they are used suitably for the purposes of teaching and studying. However, raising fees can bring big problems to students and management. It is recommended that the universities should have necessary adjustments so that both universities and students can take advantages of raising fees.

Lovemedoosie 3 / 12  
Oct 10, 2011   #2
You need a thesis. Try not to insert first person narrative in an analytical paper. You need to take a stand that can be ARGUED.

Some people think that raising fees means improvement in training quality while some others do not support this idea because of many drawbacks of this move. From my point of view, raising fees has both certain advantages and disadvantages. This sounds like a generalization. Try to avoid "some people" and "others" What people? Americans? Parents? 7-year-olds? The universal population? And "from my point of view" sounds like you're trying too hard to include an opinionated statement.

AVOID. AT ALL COSTS. "Firstly," "On the other hand," and ESPECIALLY "in conclusion." That is one of my biggest pet peeves. When teachers request "transitions" from one paragraph to the other, they don't mean generic transitional phrases. Try something else.

Other than that and few grammatical errors, it's pretty solid for the time allotted. Believe me, I understand the pressure for time. Ha. I'm in the same situation with quite a few of my AP English papers. );

Good luck!! :)
sally9216 2 / 3  
Oct 10, 2011   #3
You should write about how it affects you as your own thoughts and not talk about how it will affect "us". Try writing from a personal experience and how it will affect you if that changed. Otherwise, the writing style is good and try to elaborate your sentences more :)


Home / Writing Feedback / Pros and cons of raising fees in universities