Ielts writing task 2 - pros and cons of scientific research made by private companies

(IELTS writing task 2)
In today's world, private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research.

Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Nowadays, researches carried out by private firms have outnumbered the one conducted by state institutions. Weighing up the pros and cons, I believe that the advantages are eclipsed by the disadvantages.

Regarding the merits, there are two major reasons why private experiments could have their strengths. Firstly, due to consumers' demand and the competition in the market, private scientists are likely to come up with cost-effective solutions and convenient innovations. A telling example of this is the Covid-19 testing kits produced by Pfizer, a biology technology company which has created one of the first kits with which anyone could carry out a Covid-19 test at home. The second point is that these firms always invest in the latest equipment to get the most accurate results. Therefore, when compares with some government institutes with old-fashioned facilities, there would be a huge difference in the final achievements.

In contrast, experiments conducted by private firms do have some significant drawbacks which can not compensate for their benefits. The first problem is the lack of cooperation among institutions and top scientists. To clarify, these scientists only work for their company and carry out their work independently, which in turn lengthens the timeline of scientific projects and curtails the application of many findings. In further consideration, there are risks that some firms might modify or even hide the findings to have the most suitable ones that can help them advertise and sell their products. For instance, Coca-cola has announced that based on its experiments, the consequences of drinking Coca-cola regularly have been exaggerated and it is ok for its customers to have it daily. This statement could lead to an increased intake of sugary beverages. Finally, customers are the ones who always have to suffer from these deceptive announcements.

In summary, private-firm-subsided researches have become commonplace in recent years due to the growing participation in the field of science and technology of private companies.

From the aforementioned arguments, it seems to me that the demerits outweigh the merits of this tendency.

Please limit the task 2 word count to 300 words so that extra time may be spent in cleaning up the essay. That means, the extra time should be used to revise the essay for clarity, overall meaning, sentence structure, and proper word usage. Simply writing a long essay that has not been edited will result in more mistakes and point deductions due to avoidable errors. The writer would want to avoid such deductions at all costs. Specially since this essay does contain more than several errors that could lead to a failing score.

The prompt paraphrase for example, strays from the original presentation. If we compare it side by side:

OT: ... private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research.
YT: ... researches carried out by private firms have outnumbered the one conducted by state institutions

The original theme revolves around the fact that the government has funded less scientific research while private companies are spending more on the same research. In the interpretation, the focus changes from scientific research to general research (wrong) and it discusses the number or amount of research (wrong again) rather than the monetary aspect of the research conducted. There will be no recourse but to fail the prompt restatement section of the paragraph. This will be done regardless of the appropriate (but discussion foundation lacking) writer's opinion. Next time, include a short reference to the 2 supporting topics to be discussed to complete the clarity of the writer's opinion.

An inappropriate discussion format was also used, which will result in further deductions for this essay. This is a compare and contrast essay. However, the comaprison must follow a specific single topic format to receive proper marking for the C+C score Following the way this person writes, the format, used over 2 reasoning paragraphs, should be:

Sentence 1: Advantage
Sentence 2: Explain why
Sentence 3: Oppose the advantage
Sentence 4: Explain why
Sentence 5: Provide examples to prove the disadvantage or create a transition sentence

Only by using the correct writing format will the writer deliver a proper written debate as required by the A v. D discussion prompt.