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linhnguyen2002 2 / 4  
Jan 10, 2019   #1
Topic: It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Wilderness tourism

Wilderness tourism is increasingly popular in recent years, which has sparked a bitter debate over the pros and cons of this brand-new services. Personally, I firmly believe that large-scale travels to remote areas should be considered meticulously before being launched due to their possible detriments

On the one hand, adventure tourism should be encouraged for several reasons. Firstly, journeys to isolated regions are referred as remedies for unquenchable curiosity of human being. Discovering pristine lands empower travellers to push out the horizon of their knowledge and enjoying unforgettable memories with Mother of Nature. Secondly, this kind of tourism is also beneficial from a economic perspective. Being aimed at high-spending visitors, the so-called upper-crust services contribute considerably to the revenue of tourism firms and native countries, as well as creating millions of jobs worldwide. Thirdly, those journeys grant man the opportunities for a sustainable future. There is probably fossil fuel and other valuable resources remained unknow in those locations, waiting to be discovered by the pioneers.

On the other hand, voyages to isolated territories are not without their shortcomings. The ecosystem in those areas are at risk with the burgeon of tourism. Once outsiders flock to these fragile environment, such as Sahara desert or the South Pole, the habitats might be destroyed. This in turn lead to massive loss of endangered species. Furthermore, overexploitation and tourism can result in the demise of traditional customs and heritages of native tribes for the sake of adaption to tourists' lifestyle. Obviously, it is irrational to gamble environmental and cultural stability of these tranquil lands on satisfying a small groups of population.

In conclusion, like two sides of a coin, wilderness expeditions have their own set of merits and demerits. Thus, wary contemplation and approaches must be adopted in order to minimize the hazards exerted by those journeys.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Jan 11, 2019   #2
Nguyen, indefinite article reference rules have always indicated that "a" is used for consonant starting words, while "an" is used for vowel beginning or sounding words. This is a GRA mistake you committed in reference to the following:

... tourism is also beneficial from a economic perspective...
... AN economic...

You have also added to your GRA mistakes because of a problem with your noun phrase presentation:

Once outsiders flock to these fragile environment...
... fragile ENVIRONMENTS...

These is the plural form of "this" and must follow the appropriate plural description in a sentence presentation of a subject. You made this error several times in the essay presentation. Please be cognizant of the plural presentation rules the next time you write a practice essay. Include a review of word capitalization rules as well as the "Sahara Desert" is a proper noun, it refers to an actual place name, desert is not a descriptive term in this instance and must be capitalized. Also, make sure you use the appropriate punctuation marks at the end of every sentence. Specially at the end of a paragraph. The period is used to indicate a complete sentence presentation.

Now, I have to point out the obvious here. Your response is incorrect. You have deviated from the singular opinion essay presentation by discussing both points of views and delivering an unrelated response in the prompt paragraph. This caused the essay to alter its objective from the original. The correct presentation is:

People from all walks of life can now visit the most hard to reach places on earth. An example of this hard to reach place is the North Pole. I believe, that although there are advantages to this travel ability, the disadvantages far outweigh the benefits this form of travel offers.

From that point, your 2 reasoning paragraphs should be focused on explaining what these reasons are and why these are considered disadvantages. There should not be a discussion of the advantages because that is not the main discussion point from the original prompt.
OP linhnguyen2002 2 / 4  
Jan 12, 2019   #3
Thank you very much for having corrected my mistakes. I practice writing all the time, but I am always confused because I don't know how to improve it and what are the problems of my writing. Your comment helps me a lot.

I just have one more question. Is it right that when the question is "Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?", I should explain what the reasons are and why they are merits/demerits? And when the question is "Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this practice.", I am expected to explain what are pros and cons in my two reasoning paragraphs?
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Jan 12, 2019   #4
Nguyen, let's tackle this one question at a time. Also, thanks for asking. If you really want to learn, you should not hesitate to ask questions. I'll be happy to explain to you whenever I have the time to do so. So, the first question is:

... "Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?", ... reasons are and why they are merits/demerits?
- This type of question requires advanced essay writing skills because each reasoning paragraph needs to be composed of the following:

Sentence 1: Advantage (single) topic.
Sentence 2: Supporting reason
Sentence 3: Transition sentence to the disadvantage
Sentence 4: Disadvantage topic (importance of the disadvantage)
Sentence 5: Supporting reason

The same format for sentence discussions should be followed in the next paragraph as well. Then the concluding summary should be composed of:
Sentence 1: Reverse paraphrase of the discussion topic
Sentence 2: Personal opinion (if required in the original prompt)
Sentence 3: advantage and disadvantage topic sentence presentation from 1st reasoning paragraph
Sentence 4: advantage and disadvantage topic presentation from the 2nd reasoning paragraph
Sentence 5: Closing sentence

Now, for the second question:
... "Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this practice.", ... explain what are pros and cons in my two reasoning paragraphs?...
- Yes. This is, again, an advanced essay writing test that will use the same format as above, or the one for the "Do the advantages..." question.

I hope my explanation helps and clears your confusion somehow.
OP linhnguyen2002 2 / 4  
Jan 13, 2019   #5
Thank you very much for your detailed explanation!!!!