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The protection for endangered animal species and your opinions.


giangnt248 2 / 8 2  
Jul 25, 2016   #1
Hello everyone! I am a new EF member and I will be so grateful if you can share a little your time to correct and comment for my following essay :) I also would like to receive as many as assessments as possible from all of you and give my essay a similar score or band for my IELTS essay. Thanks anyway :)

Topic: Trying to save endangered animal species from extinction is a waste of valuable resources. Do you agree or disagree?

Whether attempting to preserve rare animal species should be taken or not still remains a contentious debate. Despite the fact that some arguments contain considerable agreements for allowing such endangerd wild animals to die out for the sake of certain resources, i strongly emphasise that given the natural balance and their intrinsic value as the jewellery from our Mother Nature, protecting those invaluable assets of the ecosystem should be of the most importance.

First of all, it is inevitable that all concerted effots made to prohibit the increasing disappearances of any wild animals contributes to human's achievements in maintaining the balance of nature. As a matter of fact, existing is the natural circulation determining the sustainable habitats of all animal species throughout the world expressed as the food chain. Had it not been for such continous circle, to excess vast majority of plagues resulting from the gradual extinction of specific predators, which creats the favorable conditions for the reproduction of their preys, would have undeniably posed a disturbing threat to our ecological order considered unbreakable for a long time. Thus, the priority to save our natura habitat also corresponds to the practical wildlife conservation.

In terms of endangered animal species's intrisic values, i would contend that no exception of predators or preys constitue exclusive animal group existing in our ecosystem. Given that those endangered animal species are also regarded as valuable resources essential for not only human beings but also surrounding inhabitats, if we still remain arguments for ignoring the increasing ectinction of rare animals, definitely this biased tendency would progress as an excuse for human's irresponsibilities concerning topical exploitation for our own profits and welfare. Ensuring the impartial status in the wildlife remains the crucial root for preventing natural imbalance from deteriorating into another insurmountable problem.

By the way of conclusion, i once again reaffirm that what the government and each citizen should take preferenc over is to strive to protectany wild animal species from dying out for the sake of both ecological balance and their right to being appreciated for their natural values. Further practial actions towards endangered animal preservation ought to be taken much more seriously against our contemporary environmental degradation.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 25, 2016   #2
Hi Nguyen, as much as you are new here on EF, I must say that yo have a keen eye for this craft, maybe not the exact mastery that you are trying to achieve but, your writing definitely embodies the qualities of a good writer. Though a lot of practice is still needed, specially when it comes to word association, I can say that you are on the right path to discovering English as the means to express your ideas and opinions.

For one IELTS is one body that will guide you to the right strokes of writing, techniques and approach and as much as I would like to give you the band for this essay, I'm not able to as I am not an IELTS expert or reviewer, however, judging from the English language rules and different writing techniques, I will rate this essay at 6, this is due to the fact that, there are still a few enhancements to be done in your essay and to better elaborate your essay, please find the modifications below;

- By the way of conclusion, i once again reaffirmI conclude with great affirmation that what
- should take preferenc overdo their part
- is to strive to protectanyand protect
- wild animal species from dying outor extinction
- Furthermore practic al actions t
- be taken much more seriously against

There you have it Nguyen, I hope the above modifications are helpful as much as useful to your essay revision. For future writing reference, make try to draw a far greater idea than what is asked, this will ensure a unique approach and keen perspective to the essay.
huynhngocminh99 4 / 13 9  
Jul 26, 2016   #3
hello Giang, here is my feedback.
You used a wide range of vocabulary. However, you made many spelling mistakes, without which your essay could have been much better.
endangerd → endangered
i → I
effots → efforts
contributes → contribute (efforts -plural)
continous → continuous
creats → create
species's → species'
intrisic → intrinsic
constitue → constitute
inhabitats → habitats

ectinction → extinction

preferenc → preference

protectany → protect any

practial → practical
hope it helps
Let's learn together
OP giangnt248 2 / 8 2  
Jul 26, 2016   #4
thanks for all of your enthusiastic help! During typing words on the internet, i've made some unexpected errors due to not checking my essay again. Anyway, thank you all so much !!
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 26, 2016   #5
Hi Nguyen, indeed, it is true that when you are not that careful with what you write, it will result to a lot of mistakes, mistakes that are not suppose to be there in the first place and some of them are minor mistakes that can mean huge difference in your essay.

Furthermore, when you write, it is good to note and prepare the key functions of your laptop or desktop computer such as the spell checker as well as the grammar and space indicators. This key functions will not only help you in coming up with a well written essay but will also make you see what else or how else you can better your essay, therefore, it is crucial to have them turned on all the time.

While you're at your revision and preparation for the IELTS exam, it is also good to note that this minor setbacks can easily be fixed with a simple proof reading practice, every time you write, allot a time to run through your projects and this will guide you and will make you see what can be done to enhance your essay and finally create a well written essay. I hope to review more of your essays very soon and keep writing!
OP giangnt248 2 / 8 2  
Jul 26, 2016   #6
thank you justivy03! I will be much more aware of my word spelling the next time :) i hope that you and other EF members will help me more and more in my IELTS writing and vice versa :3. Hope to see you soon :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 28, 2016   #7
Hi Nguyen, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF and you can be rest assured that we will be here to help you out in your essays, not only those for your IELTS but also for other writing projects that you may have in the future.

I cannot stress it enough but I must say that a simple spelling mistake can change the idea of the sentence and it will resonate through out the essay and to your readers too. This simple mistake might create a different understanding that could lead to a more difficult situation, pretty much like a domino effect and you don't want that to happen in your writing articles.

Moreover, aside from having your spell checkers on, make sure that you also have your indentations, the grammar as well as suggestion boxes open, though some writers don't want to get too comfortable having this checkers available as it will make them too reliable on machine, on a plus side, this will allow you to get a better picture of your draft, follow this up with proof reading, this way you are able to review and criticize your work before anyone does. Keep writing!


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