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ielts- should we provide children in rural communities with more schools or computers


huynhngocminh99 4 / 13 9  
Jul 22, 2016   #1
In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The young in remote areas are facing up to several difficulties in the persuit of knowledge. While many people suggest that building schools and sending teachers to such regions are the best provision to be made to help them, others believe that aiding in technological devices such as computer and internet is the optimal solution. In my opinion, though each idea has its own benefits, the latter seems to be more potential and practicabe.

Establishing more schools and providing qualified teachers obviously have a good impact on improving student's quality in rural areas. This is because good provision of facilities such as laboratories , projectors and high-quality tables and chairs strongly motivates students to dig into the subject at school. By conducting experiments in science subjects as well as watching vivid images and videos, students enhance their knowledge more quickly and develop an interest to the subject. Also, better tutors can set as good examples, encouraging children to study more. To illustrate, frequent interaction with gifted teachers gives the young strong inspiration and excitement, thereby put more effort to studying so as to become as knowledgeable as their tutors. However, a large sum of money must be invested in education for good teachers and materials.

Petrsonal computer and internet access are beneficial for rural student for several reasons. Firstly, it is an immense source of information, far eclipsing textbooks in many aspects, such as new bakthrough in science or recent astronomy discoveries. Secondly, it is an effective way for self-studying. Children who are busy all day helping their parents can still keep learning at night with the companion of a computer.Though not having a chance to carry out experiments, they have a wider selection of videos to watch and can learn at their own pace. Another advantage is that the internet promotes correspontence with talented students all over the world. Students tend to learn from their peers, which means they can improve their academic performance more efficiently by exchanging information with online gifted students. The good point is, all of these benefits can be obtained within a small budget.

In conclusion,while building schools with good lecturers means a source of motivation and good exemplary, more knowledge is available for students on the internet and more academic cooperation with gifted friends are promoted there. Therefore, the best solution to low education standard in rural areas is to equip the young with computers and internet access.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 22, 2016   #2
Hi Minh, here's an initial feedback for your essay;

- The young????, the young what?, this introduction is half baked to start with )
- are facing up to several difficulties in
- the persuitpursuit ( mind your spelling and have your spell checker turned on at all times in order to avoid this minor setback ) of knowledge.

- that aiding in technological
- to behave more potential
- and practicabeeffectivity .

- on improving a student's quality of learning in rural areas.
- the subjects inat school.
- students enhancecan optimize their
- knowledge more quicklyacquisition and

There you have it Minh, what I notice in your essay is the lack of content, don't get me wrong, you have the idea and the right approach towards the prompt, however, this did not transpire in the essay. You have a few sentences that are not complete, in the end, they do not bear any meaning to the overall essay and makes the project even more complicated or difficult to understand. I hope the modifications and insights helped, I will get back to you for the rest of the essay.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 22, 2016   #3
Hi Minh, here's the rest of the review for your essay.

- in education for good teachers and materials.

- PetrsonalPersonal computer
- Firstly , it is an immense source
- such as new bakthroughthis breakthrough in - SecondlyNext , it is an effective
- correspond ence with talented

- good lecturers meansserves as a good source of
- motivation and good exemplaryexample ,
- morein depth knowledge
- is available forto students on
- withfrom gifted friends are promoted therein this platform .
- Therefore, the best solution to resolve this issue on low education standard in rural areas is to equip the young ones with computers and internet access.

There you have it Minh, I hope the remarks and modifications above are useful to your revision.
payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 22, 2016   #4
Hi, Here is my feedback:

The young---->youths or children in remote areas are facing up to several difficulties in the persuit---> pursuit of knowledge. In my opinion, though each idea has its own benefits, the latter seems to be ---> have more potential and practicabe---> seems more practical

The second paragraph focuses on the advantages of teachers which is the first option. Since you have chosen to support computers over teachers, start your paragraph citing advantages of those first in contrast. Or do not explain the advantages of teachers overly which I see in this case.

Hope this helps!
Practice makes you perfect!
OP huynhngocminh99 4 / 13 9  
Jul 23, 2016   #5
Thank you so much justivy03. Your feedbacks help me a lot. I will put more effort into writing.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 26, 2016   #6
Hi Minh, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, there's nothing more than logging in to the website and reading your words of gratitude towards our craft, we do hope that you keep on writing, keep on listening to the suggestions that we provide and keep the feedbacks as your guide towards creating an even stronger essay.

Moreover, should you need further assistance, we are here for you, you can send us messages here on EF so we can assist you further. What I strongly suggest that you do is, read a lot, reading English literatures can help you see the integration of words, how they are used in a sentence and how they can be enhanced in your future writing projects.

Furthermore, when you write, it's good to understand your prompt first, analyze it, research on it if you need to and make sure that when you start writing, you write with confidence. Then,once you have come up with a good length in your essay, proof read it before continuing to write, this way, you are able to see and criticize your own craft, I do this too, this is the only way you can assure yourself that the idea is streamlined to the purpose of your essay. Keep writing!
jobymonpj 8 / 17 1  
Jul 28, 2016   #7
hai
on the contrary with the view of many commented above, I think you have written a fairly good essay with excellent vocabulary. To make it further better you could have changed your opinion that teachers and school are more beneficial, as I you have presented strong arguments in favor of it.

please make a rough outline before you start writing by brainstorming and take a decision on the points you have what stand you take in your thesis statement. you are expected to present a clear opinion with relevant support arguments to reach a logical conclusion with minimum or no grammatical errors. that's all. you can take any stand as long as it is logical. So my advice is start writing with a clear view of what you are going to write.

having said that, the advice given by others should also be considered to reduce silly grammatical and spelling mistakes.
overall, answer to the question without mistakes and with good vocabulary.

hope it helps. all the best


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