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IELTS Task : Provide a free mobile phone and free access to find jobs


Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 11, 2014   #1
Some people think that government should provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the internet to help them find jobs.

To what extent you agree or disagree with this opinion?


These days, mobile phone is one of important technology in some countries because it can access many of information that citizen need, take one example information about vacancy, but sometimes it is not free to access. Some people argue that government should provide unemployed people with free access internet and a free mobile phone to find a proper job. Some others argue against.This essay will discuss both arguments.

The number of jobless in some countries increase every years because some people do not know how to get information about jobs which available in their country. Government has an important role to decline the total of unemployed people with free access internet by free mobile phone. For example, government gives a public space for jobless to find a proper job with Wi-Fi connection in the city center so everyone can access many information about companies which are available. Furthermore, it will give benefit to many companies for promoting their profil company so many people will be interest to join in that company and the companies will be more well-known among citizen. Thus, government will decrease the jobless people with the best service which is given in public area.

The opponent argue that government should not provide the jobless people with technology services because it will increase the number of crime in some countries. For instance, in my country in Indonesia, some people take a benefit in this situation which many people do not have a job. They will give a fake information about company and deceive the unemployed people to persuade them join in a fake job. Then, when they interest to apply, the company require them to take some money from the applicants. Thus, some people do not agree to find a job by access free internet.

One on the whole, I think it is a good idea for governments to provide many information about jobs to their citizen by technology services but they have selective to the company which really need workers and input their data in government system so the citizen do not feel deceive when they apply a job.

agi 13 / 30 4  
Feb 11, 2014   #2
Whole points looks good. but i think that in the first paragraphs, you should state how much you agree with this points: i partly agree, i totally agree, i totally disagree.

Government has an important role to decline the total of unemployed people with free access internet by free mobile phone should be changed to Government could play a prominent role in the issues of unemployment by providing free access with internet
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 11, 2014   #3
Your title said something about 240 mins. Have you spent so much time to write this essay? If so, you need to immediately attend to fix that problem because this task has a major bearing on time.

This essay will discuss both arguments.

Whole points looks good. but i think that in the first paragraphs, you should state how much you agree with this points: i partly agree, i totally agree, i totally disagree.

Yes, I am with agi. Your prompt asks you to what extent you agree with the statement. So, you need to tell whether you agree (partially or fully) or disagree with it.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,204 469  
Feb 11, 2014   #4
From Paragraph 1:

Some people argue that government should provide unemployed people with free access internet and a free mobile phone to find a proper job. Some others argue against.

This is good as the paraphrased statement from the question, but you should pay particular attention to word usage. Try not to use the same words from the question. If you do, these words will not be accounted as yours. Here you might lose the point.

From the question given, there are some words that can be switched into the alternative ones. One of them is Idleness for Unemployed People; however, you should take a closer look at the meaning. You don't know the right meaning for the ones you want to change, do not use !

From Paragraph 2:
Here I found out a few details dealing with your grammatical mechanics. Here are they:

every years

words suggest every year

which available

words suggest which is/are available

many information

words suggest much information. Information here is uncountable noun.

profil company

words suggest company profile. The word order.

Furthermore, it will give benefit to

It refers to... ?

many people will be interest to join in that company and the companies will be more well-known among citizen.

Can you re-write these sentences?
I know that you state pro opinion in this paragraph, but I don't see so far that you show explicit statement. Using the "I agree", this is the best way to show your opinion, for example. By doing this, you help the examiner mark your writing easily.

From paragraph 3:

The opponent argue

words suggest the opponents argue. It is because of the word "opponent here as countable noun.

they interest to apply

is this you mean? ---- > they are interested in applying for..
To me, you'd better show the reason why you don't agree with the first paragraph. This will make you easy to construct the reasons.

From paragraph 4:

One on the whole,

words suggest In conclusion. Try not to use the complicated phrase(s)

citizen

words suggest citizens

governments

for this word, I want you take a closer look at the whole paragraph. You write 6 times for this word as singular one.

many information

words suggest much information. Information here is uncountable noun.

the companyS which really need

they applyfor a job

Try to use this pattern for your conclusion:
Concluding signal: In summary, In conclusion..., so forth.
Restate your thesis statement
Give your opinion as warning/ solution

Thanks


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