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The provided information about the water used in different sectors in different countries in 2003

Hammy 13 / 35  
Nov 25, 2018   #1
help me with showing me my mistakes and giving me your comment!

water consumption in different areas and countries

The table gives us information about the water used in different sectors in different countries in 2003.
On the whole, 6 countries which were France, USA, UK, China, Canada, Germany had various using-water levels. Each percentage of using water in each sector as domestic use, agriculture use and industrial use showed them. The biggest using-water level reached 50% and the smallest is only 10%.

At the first metric column, Germany had the highest percentage in domestic use, at 40%. In agriculture use, it's noticeable that using water of Canada took a half which was higher than those of other countries. France was a country using the most water in industrial use, at 40%.

Despite of spending a lot of water for agriculture, Canada just consumed 10% of water for domestic use and less than a fifth for industrial use. As the same, China also spent 40% for agriculture use which was the runner-up after Canada and a quarter for each of domestic use and industrial use. Besides, UK spent only one in ten for agriculture use and took the lowest position in 6 countries.

thanks for reading <3

victoria_003 3 / 4  
Nov 26, 2018   #2
Hi there!

This looks great! There are a feel adjustments though that could be made. For example,

This sentence feels a little awkward to read, instead I would consider getting rid of the of in that sentence completely so it now says;

Despite spending a lot of ...

Other than that I think it looks great!
Good luck!
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,808 2616  
Nov 26, 2018   #3
Diep, try to remember that when you write the analytical essay, you should avoid using memorized phrases such as "On the whole" and instead, use phrases that show a more personalized analysis of the situation such as "From an overall perspective" or something similar. In addition to that, please remember that when actual measurements are used in the chart, you must not use fractional references such as " a fifth" or "a quarter", and never "one in ten" because you are making the reader guess what these values are.

The instruction is that you are to write a report based on the GIVEN information. GIVEN being the keyword here. That means you do not replace the information just to show off your LR skills. Stick with the program. For every actual numerical figure given, you are to present it in its original form in the essay for the sake of Accuracy (TA), Clarity (C&C), and proper referencing with punctuation marks used in a relevant manner (GRA).

Regardless of these observations, you have shown a clear enough presentation of the overview summary, the facts of the chart, and the analysis of the information. You did a good enough job on this essay so that even if there are punctuation problems, such as missing commas in conjunction presentations, the essay will still manage to get at least a passing score.
tranhien 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2018   #4
"used in different sectors in different countries in 2003" Don't use synonym wold, You can try " a variety of st..."

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