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(IELTS TASK 2) The public should be encouraged to use public transportation more. Give your opinio


eminhaqi 4 / 7  
Aug 21, 2017   #1
Importance of Public Transportation

With technologic developments, automobiles are getting more and more cheaper every day. So that, people use cars a lot then past. Using a vehicle can be seen comfortable for people. However, it has various negative effects on us and our lives such as; automobiles destroy the environment harmfully and using public transportation is a safer way to commute than using cars.

The first negative effect of using cars is that vehicles destroy the environment. Protect to nature is so important for our children's future. If we do not save the environment effectively, our children will not have the world to live. For instance, if everyone continues to use 1 or more cars, devastation of the atmosphere will be huge. The atmosphere will fall, and our children cannot live. However, if we use public transportation, emulation will decrease more than 20-30 times. So that, our kids will live in peace future.

The second negative effect of using cars is that public transportation is a safer way to commute than using cars because it is lead to less traffics and fewer accidents naturally. The traffic problem is the huge issue for urban cities. If we use public transportation, the traffic problem will be solved. Another sad problem is accidents. The reason of accidents is generally associated with driver's mistakes. Of course, these mistakes will be solved with self-driving automobiles future. However, we can prevent so many accidents, if people use public transportation today.

In conclusions, the number of who using cars is increasing. However, it is lead us some issues such as destroy the environment harmful, accidents and traffic. If we want to live with good or peace or give our children good future, we should use public transportation and should encourage others.

minhthuy 3 / 8  
Aug 21, 2017   #2
I think it should be "getting cheaper and cheaper everyday."
"Consequently, people are using cars more than in the past." would be better in my opinion.
minhthuy 3 / 8  
Aug 21, 2017   #3
"Consequently, people are using cars more than in the past due to its convenience. Using a vehicle can be seen comfortable for people. However, it can negatively affect us in various ways such as creating more traffic jams, destroying our environment. Which using public transportation can be a solution to."
minhthuy 3 / 8  
Aug 21, 2017   #4
The first negative effect of using cars is their harm on the environment. ----- I think you should replace negative with st else to avoid repetition)

Protecting the nature is extremely important to our children's future.

If we do not save the environment effectively, our children will not have the world to live. For instance, if everyone continues to use 1 or more cars, devastation of the atmosphere will be huge. The atmosphere will fall, and our children cannot live. ----...I feel a little bit weird reading this but I'm not sure how to fix it...

However, if we use public transportation, the emulation will decrease more than 20-30 times. ---- It's a little bit confusing 'cause I don't know what emulates what...

As a result, our kids will live in a peaceful future.

This is just my opinions, hope it helps
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 21, 2017   #5
Emin, please remember to post the complete prompt discussion that you were given for the practice essay the next time you post here. I have no basis for my review of your essay at this point. I do not know if you are discussing the correct requirements in the manner that is expected. Your essay leaves me wondering about certain scoring elements that rely on a proper TA score at the start, before more scoring is done in the remaining aspects. Your opening statement does not properly outline the discussion elements for the essay. Nor does it identify the actual topic for the reader's reference.

When the TA is this unclear, it is almost sure that the student will not get a passing TA score, which will then jeopardize the rest of the scoring criteria, which could result in you failing the entire essay test. Even your conclusion can be deemed faulty as it closes with a hanging sentence in the paragraph rather than a concluding statement. This was caused by the continued discussion that was included in the last paragraph. You should have closed the discussion instead.

Additionally, for an essay that requires you to give your opinion, you do not take ownership of the points of view in the essay. Using the first person pronoun is a requirement in this type of essay as you are being asked to focus on your opinion alone. That is, provided the partial prompt requirement that you posted is reliable and accurate. The assessment that I gave your paper is selective because the guidelines for its assessment is not complete. I will be able to deliver a better review with your second essay provided you give me all of the requirements for the essay review first.
minhphuccttv 4 / 11  
Aug 22, 2017   #6
Hello

I think you should change something:
... industry, are getting more and more cheaper every day.

Protect to nature is so important for our children's future I think it not suitable. l the atmosphere will be huge..
... kids will live in peace better future.

...to commute than using cars vehicles because it is ...
The traffic problems are the huge issue .., the traffic problems will be solved. Another [R]sad[/R] problem is accidents .

Of course, these mistakes will be solved with self-driving automobiles future.

I hope it can help you.

Minh Phuc
hgianghgiang 7 / 14 3  
Aug 22, 2017   #7
Hi Emin, your essay appears to be of low level, thus low band score for the following reasons:
- Frequent grammatical mistakes.
- Limited sources of vocabulary ( notice how you repeat negative effect, using cars, is a safer way throughout your essay).
- Lack of academic tone .
- Conclusion statement is quite confusing and which leaves reader hanging in the air.

Therefore it is advisable for you to start from the beginning, if you wish to improve your writing:
- Learn basic grammar rules.
- Increase your vocabulary, find out synonyms for words and phrases
- Read academic papers in order to understand the way they are written, thus applying to your own.
- Learn to analyse questions to know what you should cover in your essay.

Everybody starts somewhere! ^.^


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