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How would Public Funds be spent? IELTS


valency 8 / 10  
Dec 4, 2012   #1
Public money should be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle rather than treating illnesses. Do you agree or disagree?

Accompanied by the fast-paced lifestyle, modern citizens find it inevitable to suffer from various diseases. The health problem is an issue of broad interest to the general public. Where the public fund should be allocated has sparked a heated debate. Some individuals believe this money can be utilized to advocate a healthy lifestyle. Nevertheless, others insist those funds should be allocated to curb illness instead. From my observation, both of them are worthy public funding.

To begin with, having a healthy lifestyle is the fundamental solution for preventing the illness. A healthy lifestyle includes such factors as non-smoking, a balanced diet, regular physical exercises, and psychological well-being. It is the radical method to resolve illness. Without it, more diseases will follow. In light of this, a healthy lifestyle lays a solid foundation for preventing illness and eliminating its associated medical treatments. Therefore, elevating the awareness of a sound lifestyle deserves more public wealth.

Nevertheless, the reason for distributing the public saving on curing disease can be justified. A consistent and great amount of money is requested to conduct scientific researches and explore the unknown medication areas in order to combat thorny illness. By living a healthy lifestyle is only effective for the prevention of diseases but not for curing the exist one. Thus, some proportion of money needs to be spent on curbing illness.

In conclusion, both approaches to ensure the comprehensive well-being of people are productive. I believe, the public money should be spent evenly on the prevention of diseases and the treatment of the exist sick.

linting2012 10 / 78 18  
Dec 4, 2012   #2
From my observation, both of them are worthy public funding.

Them here is sort of ambiguous, it could refer to the people advocating the idea or the idea. I would made the point clearer by substituting it with ideas.

Besides that does the essay have word limits? I think you could substantiate this essay with more evidences because as of now the essay does not sound very convincing, but the idea is good though.

By living a healthy lifestyle is only effective for the prevention of diseases but not for curing the exist one.

I would use however instead of by because it make the relationship of the sentence to the rest of paragraph better. Besides that I would also move this sentence to the very top of the third paragraph.
OP valency 8 / 10  
Dec 4, 2012   #3
thank you linting, yes , the limit is at least 250

i think it is better not exceed 300

do you have any other suggestions ?
linting2012 10 / 78 18  
Dec 4, 2012   #4
If that is the case why don't you advocate mainly for your first idea? You sound like you believe more in the first idea than the second. Once you have elaborated the first idea with sufficient evidence you could acknowledge that the second idea may also need some funding with one sentence in the conclusion.
y0_3mma 19 / 28 6  
Dec 4, 2012   #5
It is a good essay, but I think it has less than 250 words.
if you have no idea what to write, you can make up surveys/facts/ quotes of researchers from universities or institutes. give examples, every little thing that can be related to the topic.

pro:
promoting healthy lifestyle will decreas the number/percentage of ill people
increase the life expectancy
people will eat healthier and look better, feel better

against:
governments/research centers would not be interested in preventing diseases, because the planet will soon be over populated
disease cannot be prevented, since we live in a polluted and stressed environment. consequently, it would be a waste of time to prevent disease
colorado 1 / 1  
Dec 5, 2012   #6
prevention of diseases and the treatment of the exist sick .

wouldn't be better...existing sicknesses ?

I wouldn't use Nevertheless 2 times

I am new in the forum and I am attending English classes in order to take the IELTS exam next year


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