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The public transportation overflow in modern countries is causing number of negative effects


adip 12 / 13  
Jul 30, 2016   #1
More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause ? What do you think are possible solutions?

the number of people which buy cars in some developing states has small gains for the first period. This is believed that such cases will be appearing an effect in the percentage of public transportation's consumer since they will fascinate to utilize theirs than those. In addition, the quality of air will disappear since their automobile pollutes it.

The percentage of public transportation's consumer is halving in the whole world, as some citizens are being fascinated to utilize car ownership than take advantage of pubic transportation. A 2012 recent university of Indonesia study reveals that approximately 35% of Jakarta's public transportation is being useless, as Jakarta's people do not interest to go with it, and therefore this results in some public vehicles will be not operated by the government.

A long-term issue to this prediction is dramatic wipe out of the quality air for the most part in the modern town of the quantity of carbon dioxide will increase gradually which is produced by a waste of motorcars. By the 2014 recent university of Utah discloses that 87% the amount of fresh water are being experienced decreasing slightly in two previous years. In a fact that this results in people which suffer lung disease will be adding.

To sum up, much public transportation in modern countries are now obtaining possible negative effect due to the fact that the quality of humans satisfaction is being vulnerable. Therefore, to solve this the ministry should establish more cutting-edge technology, and duration of waiting period should be faster.

Risty01 10 / 16 1  
Jul 30, 2016   #2
Hi Adi.
Here my suggestion:

- This is for introduction:
In the poor countries, the increasing number of people who buy cars just has a short term benefit for their life and societies. However, the drawback outweighs this advantage. This is believed that those automobiles creates disadvantage like air pollution.

- A 2012 recent university of Indonesia study reveals. Maybe it is better when you say : In 2012, a recent study by University of Indonesia found that ,,,,

I hope those will be useful for you.
huynhngocminh99 4 / 13 9  
Jul 30, 2016   #3
Hi Adip. Here is my feedback.
It is very sensible of you to have written two paragraphs in the body as there are two questions:1 What problems does this cause ?
2 What do you think are possible solutions
.
Unfortunately, only the second paragraph seems to answer the question (1) directly. The first one is unnecessary as it only describes the situation, and the topic does not require you to do that. Instead, after writing about the problems , you should write another paragraph suggesting possible solutions ( improving infrastructure or encouraging people to take public transport...)

Moreover, you should give 2 or 3 ideas in one paragraph to make your essay more persuasive.
I suggest this outline
Introduction
Para 1problems: reduction in air quality, increase in traffic congestions, noise pollution.
Para 2 potential solutions: government should invest more in infrastructure. Set up campaigns to encourage people to take public transport instead of buying cars.
Conclusion
to sum up is not very formal, i suggest writing in conclusion.
[much public increasing private transportation in modern countries are obtaining having negative impacts on local life quality and the environment, decreasing people's satisfaction in life. Therefore,the government should ....

Hope it helps


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