Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors to consider before moving to a place


aoey 6 / 17 2  
Nov 21, 2013   #1
TOPIC : If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors which we basically consider before we decide to live in a place. However, it is difficult to find a community which can perfectly meet our requirements. In my hometown, there are almost complete public utilities for one's needs but transportation. So the thing that I really want to change is to have more public transportation. Since I'm facing the traffic congestion every day. And this problem seem to get worst.

At first, it should have more alternatives to use public transportation, such as a subway train or a sky train. Hence, people will have more ways to go to a place. Since now buses are only a kind of public transportation in this community, It makes people in this area have no choice. They must take only a bus to go to another place. If a subway and a sky train are available here, it will be more convenience to them. For example, people can estimate time from taking a subway train due to the train schedule. On the contrary they cannot do so in case of a bus. Also, this improvement will decrease a bad traffic on the road indirectly.

Secondly, the buses provide merely two routes in this community. It is absolutely a major problem. For example, if a place I intend to go is not in the route of buses, I still have to take a bus that does not bring me to my destination but go to the center station first to exchange to another bus. Obviously, it is waste of time. They should increase more routes to make people transport more easily.

Lastly, having more kinds of public transportation can dwindle the number of people using their own cars. Also, it provides many advantages. For instance, people can save their expenses form gasoline, which nowadays is getting more expensive. The necessary energy will slowly be used up, since people use less their own cars.

To sum up, the transportation is an elementary factor which directly affects to people's living. I wish one day this problem would be changed. And then, the transportation in my hometown is no longer difficult for everyone in this community.
RomanticDog 2 / 7 1  
Nov 21, 2013   #2
a sky train

I think the correct descriptions are Single Railway or Mono-railway
RomanticDog 2 / 7 1  
Nov 21, 2013   #3
TOPIC : If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

I read the whole essay, personally, I think the structures are fine, and the points are quit clear. But you don't have to use EXAMPLES for each of your points, seems too much of that. The rest are fine but some simple mistakes still exist.

Such as

They should increase more routes to make people transport more easily.

What is "they" refer to? I consider it stands for government.

Plus, your 3rd point is overlapped with your 1st one, you may change it to another reasonable factors.

Good Luck!
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 21, 2013   #4
Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors which we basically consider before we decide to live in a place.

Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors which we basically consider when choosing a place for living.

However, it is difficult to find a community which can perfectly meet our requirements.

However, generally it is very difficult to find all our requirements met.... it is implied that the community lacks all what you desire

In my hometown, there are almost complete public utilities for one's needs but transportation.

.... this sentence ends abruptly.
In my hometown, although public utilities are at a very satisfactory level, transportation is still a concern for many who live there.
You write well :)
OP aoey 6 / 17 2  
Nov 22, 2013   #5
Thanks RomanticDog. And thank for your advices, Pahan

As you mentioned to this sentence.
>>> However, generally it is very difficult to find all our requirements met....
it is implied that the community lacks all what you desire

Actually, my intention is to point that there are a lot of things people expect to have in their community but it is hard to find the place that has everything people want. There might be something that they dont like or else.

Can you suggest me how to re-write that sentence ?
OP aoey 6 / 17 2  
Nov 22, 2013   #6
"They" in that sentence, I intent to refer to buses. Because the first of this paragraph says " The buses provide merely two routes in this community. So, the pronoun, "They", should be the buses that will increase more routes.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Dec 8, 2013   #7
However, it is difficult to find a community which can perfectly meet our requirements

I don't find much meaning in this line.... Your introduction sounds better without this line.

So the thing that I really want to change is to have more public transportation. Since I'm facing the traffic congestion every day. And this problem seem to get worst.

Therefore, if I want to change something in my hometown, it is the current traffic congestion I experience everyday which I consider as a waste of our valuable time on the road.

You need to keep your writing more aligned with the prompt.


Home / Writing Feedback / Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors to consider before moving to a place