Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Today, there are many pupils that do not know how to live healthily. There are some opinions that school and the parents are the ones who have a responsibility to overcome this problem. Overall, I agree that giving the children education of healthy lifestyle should be given by the school and their parents as the part of their responsibility for the next generation.
It is popularly believed that young generation has a bad lifestyle, especially in the healthy lifestyle. The lack of knowledge is the main problem that they have experienced so far. The children do not know how to be a healthy person and how is the way that the pupils can choose to be a good person. Eating is one of the main concern of being a healthy person, which they sometimes forget to. For example, they do not concern about how much they eat, what time they should eat, and when they should have a meal. In fact, at least 25 percent of the children having an obesity around the world - data from AC Nielsen survey in 2015.
As the ones who are the closest to the children, school and parents have the responsibility to educate their children or students. Based on the research, teaching with the closest one and the one who interacting every day is the most effective way to expand their way of lifestyle. The students can learn how to be a healthy person if the parents and the school teach them continuously. As the result, the pupils will be triggered to have a healthy lifestyle.
All in all, giving the health education by the one who closest to the children is the most effective method to overcome the problem. As the one having interactions every day, the school and the parents are responsible for solving the drawback of the unhealthy lifestyle of children.
... the ones who have a responsibilityto overcome this problem.
... as the part of their responsibility for the next generation.
REPETITION IDEA
You can change responsibility into awareness, duty, or other.
Overall, I agree that giving the children education of healthy lifestyle[font#00lifestyle education for the children the childrenshould be given ...
... young generation has amany bad lifestyle , especially in health lifestyle.
You must use many not "a" because "a" is refer to only one, but you give the next word, "especially" , so it must more than one.
Lifestyle ---> REPETITION. You can erase the lifestyle word in the second sentence. So it become : especially in health. That's enough i think.
Hi Mr Ivan, these are my thought towards your essay
..do not know how to be a healthy person and how ..
.. concern of being a healthy person, which..
... about how much they eat, what time they should eat, and when they ...
Ivan, i found many repetitions in your essay, i think you should rephrase or find similar/synonym for several words.
