I'm going to have a test on 14/4 so I really need your help. Thanks in advance!
IELTS Writing Task 2: Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Here is my essay:
the global distribution of products
There is increasingly common trend these days that residents can purchase the similar goods anywhere in the world. From my perspective, I firmly believe that this is a beneficial change for people in modern life.
It is clearly evident that the global distribution of products is of incredible help in reducing the total prices, which is resulted from the decrease of the total cost of importing goods. In fact, the imported goods are priced based on all the relevant fees that a company is supposed to bear when they import goods from foreign countries, for example, shipping fee, importing tax. One good illustration here is that since Zara opened a new branch in Vietnam, Vietnamese can pay more reasonable amount of money for its clothes, more specifically, it is cheaper than the ordered ones from foreign countries.
In addition, providing the same products around the world can mitigate the risk of shipping goods to other nations. First of all, long-distance transportation by several means of transport such as ships, trains, planes often take such a long period of time for the products to get their destinations, which sometimes irritates the buyers if those goods are shipped after the expected dates. It is also possible to say that the products are endangered of being lost or stolen on the way. A fairly good example should be mentioned here is that some travelers by planes claim for package pilfering, leading to missing items in the suitcases which are bought in foreign nations.
In conclusion, I strongly support the idea that the advantages of purchasing the same goods in every part of the world is considerable.
First sentence: these days should be put on the last of the sentence.
Use the listing words before the body paragraphs to tell the examiner which are the body paragraphs.
Do not use them to explain your ideas.
(First of all, long-distance transportation by several means of transport such as ships......)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,721 3789
Vu, there are two problem points that I want you to concentrate on fixing in your upcoming essays. First, is you need to create a more proper prompt restatement in the opening paragraph. The proper opening statement for this (and future essays) need to properly depict your understanding of the original prompt and the discussion requirements. For example, one of the proper approaches to this prompt statement would have been as follows:
Globalization has created more and more similarities in the lifestyles of people. This is because people can now afford to acquire the same products from any country in the world. As such, this has become a positive development for society. The reasons I have for saying this will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
The correct presentation needs to accomplish the following:
1. Restate the topic for discussion in an original manner.
2. Present the reason for the discussion.
3. Inform the reader about the discussion instruction that was provided.
Present those 3 information in the opening paragraph and you are sure to gain a high score for this type of essay discussion.
The concluding statement you presented is not effective because it doesn't appropriately summarize the discussion presentation. I only indicates a support for the given discussion, which is not part of the prompt requirements so it will end up causing point deductions for your conclusion instead. You accidentally changed the prompt focus in the final leg of the presentation, which is a very bad thing for your essay in terms of scoring.