Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS2- the pursuit of student working or traveling in a gap year

s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Jul 22, 2019   #1

gap year effects

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In recent years, more and more teenagers preferred to having a gap year between the time of high school and college. The essay will then discuss the positive and negative aspects of this kind of choice.

There are many advantages for youngsters to choose a gap year in two aspects. First of all, by traveling around the world, they have the chance to broaden their horizon, meeting different people from various professions and exchanging ideas and thoughts with them. Through more interaction with people, they have the chance to form a new perspective to the world, respecting different nations, religion, and races. Secondly, participating in work field may help the teenagers to find out which industries were much more appropriate to them instead of majoring in a subject they later find out boring.

On the other hand, there will always be disadvantages along with advantages. Since teenagers have no plan on what goal they want to accomplish during the gap year, they end up wasting their time staying at home, playing computer games or doing things without a purpose. Additionally, a lack of studying during gap year may make it hard for them to catch up with the speed of university studies after returning to the education system, resulting in a lack of skills required for work after graduation.

In conclusion, the pursuit of working or traveling in a gap year may be beneficial to teenagers already having plans to broaden their horizons or find a suitable career path. On the contrary, it may be no good for teenagers having no idea what they are planning to do.

(268 word)
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jul 22, 2019   #2
Hi there. I'll provide you with writing feedback

Firstly, ensure that you maintain an academic tone for your writing through the usage of terms that'll help you make more concise and meaningful sentences. Try to evade clustering synonymous phrases and lines as doing so will not help improve the overall depth of your writing.

Clarity is critical when writing. In your conclusion, try to focus on one trajectory when expounding. Which pursuit in particular are you referring to? Has this gap year truly been proven to improve their dedication in this respect? How are you certain with these thoughts?

Remember to avoid vague when you are writing. Best of luck as always.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS2- the pursuit of student working or traveling in a gap year