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"Don't put all your eggs in one basket"


xxkixzplayaxx 4 / 10  
Mar 22, 2010   #1
please help me to improve my essay
i need to write about "don't put all your eggs in one basket"
about what this quote is about

i need help with grammer and using more vocabulary.
and please let me know what i should write about. ideas, your opinions

Many options (better tittle? )

Every individuals are in possession of a personal goal or dream to become whoever they want to be; however, focusing on one goal could fade other opportunities. Of course, making a final decision what he or she wants to become in early age could save time and have more experience than other people who did not make final decisions. Nevertheless, what if he or she made a wrong decision? The only way to fix this problem is to start everything over. So, It is very important to not to pin your hopes on one plan.

My Experience from high provided a valuable lesson why it is so important to get an education. I only focused on school sports and not school work back then. I was hoping and thought I was good enough to get accepted from colleges and receive scholarships but I was wrong without a doubt. Because I was worrying so much on soccer and lacrosse, I did not do very well on school work. For instance, I went outside and practiced sports when I should have been studying for the test or working on my homework. I was watching soccer games when I should have been working on my project. I also, sometimes, skipped school and went to Johns Hopkins lacrosse team game when I should have been in my school classroom. There for, I have done an unsatisfying result on Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT). My coach was right; he always told me that school comes first and sport comes second. If I could have one more chance, I would extremely force myself to focus on school work and maintain high grade point average.

Once in our life time, people dream about winning a lottery or a huge amount of money from gambling. At the same time, there are people who have won millions of dollars. On the other hand, spending all their money on lottery and gambling could put people into bankruptcy. What is the chance of winning a lottery? "Winning the Mega Millions are 1 in 135,145,920. Buying two tickets bumps your odds only to 2 in 135,145,920" (By Christopher Solomon). To me, it sounds like it is almost impossible to win. For example, When I use to work at my cousins liquor store, I have seen many people spending hundreds of dollars and won some money or even none. Therefore, people should not put all their hopes on the things that have low chance of benefit.

Same goes with a relationship; don't put every moment into one person. By this, I do not mean fool around with other guys or girls, but maintain other friendships, other hobbies and interests. So that their relationship do not process the way how they want it to work out, they are left high and dry with not a friend in sight.

If I had to choose between making a lot of money but I have a job that I dislike, or I make average money but I absolutely enjoy working at this particular job, I would choose less money but enjoying at this particular job. Furthermore, most important thing as people live through their lives is their occupation, the principal activity in people's lives that they do to earn money. The wrong choice of their career for their life could be devastating. For example, it would take a long time to start over if they do not satisfy with what they are doing. if you're out job-hunting, look at several options, go to several interviews if you can - don't just set your sights on one job without any backup plan; therefore, if your first option falls through, they'll be other things you can look at.

People have a goal or a dream to become rich, famous, or succeed; however, it could be a devastating if a person put his or her effort on just one specific thing and unable to achieve what he or she wanted to accomplish. In order to prevent this even to happen, people should try many other things before they make final conclusion about their career and relationships

ginny2345 12 / 22  
Mar 24, 2010   #2
There for, I have done an unsatisfying result on Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT).

this should be: "therefore i performed unsatisfactorily on my SATs
i get your whole approach to the essay but i think that you are giving too many examples. i think you should start with an introduction or a kind of catching anecdote and then start to explain your point of view.

GOODLUCK
OP xxkixzplayaxx 4 / 10  
Mar 26, 2010   #3
Aisha Mustapha (ginny2345) , i agree with you. do you know any essays that you have read could help me to get an idea how to prove my point of view. what im trying to say is, i would like to read similar essay and compare to mine. you said i have too many examples, and iwould like to see how other essay is written.
OP xxkixzplayaxx 4 / 10  
Apr 7, 2010   #4
my professor wants me to add transition between each paragraphs.

for example:

...comes second. If I could have one more chance, I would extremely force myself to focus on school work and maintain high grade point average.

Transition
Once in our life time, people dream about winning a lottery or a huge amount of money from gambling. At the same time, there are people who have won millions ...

...girls, but maintain other friendships, other hobbies and interests. So that their relationship do not process the way how they want it to work out, they are left high and dry with not a friend in sight.

transition
If I had to choose between making a lot of money but I have a job that I dislike, or I make average money but I absolutely enjoy working at this particular job, I would choose

can someone please how i sould make it better?
what do i have to do?
do you have an essay that i can get an idea from?(learn how to write transition from?)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 8, 2010   #5
It's kind of like a game. You need to think of a way that one idea can lead into the next:

...comes second. If I could have one more chance, I would extremely force myself to focus my single-minded effort on school work and maintain high grade point average, relying on will power rather than luck.

Transition
Reliance on luck sets us up for failure; people dream about winning a lottery or a huge amount of money from gambling. At the same time, there are people who have won millions ...

I added mention of luck to the end of one and beginning of the next.
OP xxkixzplayaxx 4 / 10  
Apr 10, 2010   #6
thank you people.

last question

i need a good solid title.. but i can't think of one..

{many options}...? it's not really related to the quote "don't put all your eggs in one basket"
I need a better tittle...
help????


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