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IELTS Writing: Qualities for Becoming Successful Can't Learn At A University?


ieltsfighter 1 / 1  
Mar 7, 2014   #1
Dear all, I am preparing for the IELTS test and I need your feedback to this essay.

The qualities a person needs to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at university or any similar academic institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In my opinion, I disagree with the ideas expressed above. Conversely, I believe that higher education is a proper way to equip youngsters with needed qualities to be successful.

First of all, it is only in universities could young people learn professional knowledge, which is the cornerstone of their successful career. The education in university has covered a wide range of curriculum, from engineering to humanities, from social sciences to marketing and finance. For example, if a student wants to be an excellent lawyer, he could only learn the branches of laws and regulations systematically in law classes and develops his discussion skills through class activities and case studies. Without tutor's guidance, it would be extremely difficult for him to pursue a career in law firm.

Along with professional knowledge, social networks or so called personal relationship, is another key factor contributing to people's achievements. This network could be easily established during your undergraduate & postgraduate studies. Most of your classmates are likely to develop a same career as you after graduation. Therefore, their are good resources when you ask for help. Meanwhile, through extra-curriculum activities, such as parties and volunteer works, your communication skills will be improved and you are already capable with teamwork abilities when hunting for a job.

Last of all, some personalities and attitudes could be adopted in universities. It is well-known that successful people not only have high IQ, but also have some personal characteristics that differ from ordinary people-- single mindedness, self-discipline and perservance, for example. Those characters could be developed during your studies by doing a long-term project, restricting your behaviors before an exam and solving a complicated question.

In conclusion, I think higher education could provide students with all qualifications that required by a brilliant career in the future, particularly in terms of professional knowledge, social communication skills and networks as well as personal characters.

jon_snow 8 / 28 5  
Mar 7, 2014   #2
In my opinion, I disagree with the ideas expressed above

Don't start your essay like that. Restate the question in your essay. However, before restating your question you have to write a hook. A hook is nothing but some general statement of your essay. I mean write something in general about the topic. By the way, hook should not be more than 2 sentences; otherwise your intro will be too long. in brief your intro should contain a hook then restatement of the question then your opinion; total 4 sentences. This way you can develop a nice short intro. :)

First of all, it is only in universities could young people learn professional knowledge, which is the cornerstone of their successful career.

This sentence is not right. i don't know what are you trying to say. most probably you tried to say: "first of all, university is the only place where young people can learn professional knowledge and this knowledge will help them to pursue a successful career." still not sure whether i get that right. :P. anyway you should write it clearly and properly.

For example, if a student wants to be an excellent lawyer,

Don't use hypothetical example in this way. Try to put a specific example. Write you know a lawyer who is excellent in his job, and then write what he did to be an excellent lawyer. This is actually a hypothetical example, however, you are saying you actually know the man but in reality you don't; you are just making that up.

By doing this your writing will be more focused and coherent. Moreover your word count will increase... hope i have made myself clear.

wish you all the best
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 9, 2014   #3
Pay attention to what Pahan suggested with regard to your introduction. In this task, you need to introduce your topic to the reader first and should not answer the prompt directly. This is to assess your essay writing skills and therefore adopt an essay writing style. You write extremely well and I think you can easily score for a very good band :)

Good luck with IELTS!
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Mar 9, 2014   #4
In my opinion, I disagree with the ideas expressed above. Conversely, I believe that higher education is a proper way to equip youngsters with needed qualities to be successful.

I agree with them. Change this intro.

Here are my grammatical corrections:
First of all, it is only in universities could young people could learn professional knowledge, which is the cornerstone of their successful career.
Therefore, theirthere are good resources when you ask for help.
..your communication skills will be improved and you are already capablewith teamwork abilities will be enhanced necessary when huntinglooking for a job.

In conclusion, I think higher education could provide students with all qualifications that required by a brilliant career in the future, particularly in terms of professional knowledge, social communication skills and networks as well as personal characters.

Good conclusion :)
OP ieltsfighter 1 / 1  
Mar 9, 2014   #5
Many thanks to Jon_Snow, Dumi, Pahan and Niesaysi. I am sorry that I didn't to you quickly because I immerse myself in preparing IELTS all the day. I have already changed my opening structure added to my other writings today. :) I really appreciate your suggestions and encouragement. Good luck! :)
agi 13 / 30 4  
Mar 9, 2014   #6
In my opinion, I disagree with the ideas expressed above. Conversely, I believe that higher education is a proper way to equip youngsters with needed qualities to be successful.

in this part, you should state what mean being successful and what qualities associated with success. then link those ideas with university. To be honest, generally you should write partly agree essay because in which you have both ideas of for and against of it.


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