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Questbridge - "What are your career goals" question, and two 35-word essays. Help Requested

BlackSkyrim 1 / 1  
Aug 23, 2018   #1

proper answers for Questbridge questions

I'm looking to receive some assistance in writing my responses for these Questbridge questions. My test scores were not as great as I would have liked them to be, so I want my essays to be near flawless. So I figured you could help me with that? Please feel free to be as honest as possible.

What are your career goals and how did you develop them? (400 characters)
My goal is to become a diplomat between the United States and South Korea. I have a lot of respect for Korea because of its resilience, including both its weakened relations with other Eastern nations, and its status as a poverty stricken nation becoming a global superpower. I would like to work and ensure that South Korea and the United States continue to have a long-lasting relationship.

What is your favorite source of inspiration? (35 words)
From my grandfather, I long to inherit the eternal legacy of patience, selflessness and compassion. He strongly believed in these senses, and I will use them in my interactions with others.

What is the compliment that you have been paid that you are most proud of? Who gave you the compliment? (35 words)
I was told that I am very inspiring by my counselor. This is important to me because I work actively to motivate my peers to remain honest, unwavering and academically focused.

These are only a few I have written. Please look at them for me!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,430 4691  
Aug 24, 2018   #2
Colby, please refer to the following advice on a numerical listing for your responses. You have some pretty good topic sentences but very weak follow throughs on your discussion.

1. You need to address how you developed your career goals for becoming a diplomat. What weakness did you see in the relationship between the US and South Korea that you feel needs to be addressed? How do you plan to address it? Why do you think it needs a resolution? The proper response to this question will requite you to delete the total response in order to write a new response that will address the questions properly. Avoid redundancies. You were asked what your goal is, the response should be "I want to become a diplomat..." redundancies take away from your character count so avoid repeating information that the reader already knows about.

2. Your grandfather did not provide you with inspiration. He inspired you with character traits. Inspiration in this case would be more alongside a mantra, a motto, or something or anything that you look to for help or inner strength when you feel down or troubled.

3. Change the point of view in the second sentence. Rather than having you compliment yourself, use the same words to describe yourself only this time, do it from your counselor's point of view.

These changes should help strengthen your statement responses. If you have any other responses you want reviewed, don't hesitate to post it here. I'll be sure to comment on them.
OP BlackSkyrim 1 / 1  
Aug 24, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for your feedback. I am in the process of revising, and possibly restarting, each of them. In the meantime, I did prepare another response for my application that I would love to have you review. It must be in a new thread.

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