Advertising discourages us from being different individuals makes us look the same. Do you agree?
The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in advertising on the mass media. Some people hold the view that advertising has a major impact on people's favor as well as their lifestyle. In this essay, I partly agree with this idea for some reasons.
First and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that advertising plays an important role in our life in multiple aspects. People are so likely to consume the products from well-known companies due to their long-established reputation that even they fail to consider the practical purposes. Obviously, advertisements are designed in perfect forms in order to make sure that their products are the best choice for consumers. As a result, many people tend to purchase the certain goods and items. Secondly, a growing number of teenage and young adults have a tendency to imitate their idol's appearance by purchasing the identical items of their favorite celebrities. It is a good reason that they want to have the same look no matter how this imitation is suitable for them or not. Consequently, people seem to be loyal to the certain brands.
On the other hand, advertising can not make different people behave in similar manner. Admittedly, making decision on purchasing an item must be based on their preference and their money. To illustrate this, with the potential money in their pocket, the rich make a choice the luxury items from famous brands while the poor always look for the affordable ones. Moreover, there still have smart consumers who look for carefully the products' information on the Internet, TV, magazines, etc. It is proved that they respect the quality at first rather than keeping up the trend.
By way of conclusion, I want again reaffirm my opinion that advertising has narrowed the gaps between people in their preference and their style. However, purifying the information on the advertisements are advisable to be taken before buying the items.
Dang, you have some pretty good thoughts going on in this essay. Your line of reasoning is sound although lacking in evidence. I believe that is because of the flawed thesis introduction you developed. There are a number of facets that need to be addressed in this essay starting with the prompt.
When you write an introductory statement, make sure that all the facets of the prompt are represented. These aspects are:
1. Restate the prompt in your own words.
2. Offer the supporting point of view in an overview sentence.
3. Present an opposing point of view for future discussion.
4. Present your own point of view no matter how partial it is.
Now, to address the grammar issues. I will be posting the corrected portions:
in advertising IN mass media.
I WILL partly agree
the products from
are so likely to
the practical purposes OF .
the same look regardless OF WHETHER THE LOOK IS suitable for them or not
THAT IS WHY, people seem to be loyal
similar mannerS.
making THE decision
REGARDING purchasing
a choice FROM the luxury items
Moreover, there ARE STILL smart consumers
who look for carefully
who look for carefully the products' information on the Internet,
they respect the quality at first rather than keeping up the trend.
I want TO again reaffirm my opinion
I decided not to continue editing your conclusion because you did not approach it the correct way. You should have first made it clear within the earlier paragraphs that you were representing only your point of view instead of trying to create a balanced discussion. More importantly, you added new information to your conclusion which is frowned upon when writing an essay. You could lose points for doing that. I suggest that you rewrite the conclusion to just be a summary of the discussion. Prior to that, please create a clear paragraph that contains your point of view and any new information that you want to present. That way your essay will follow the correct writing format and allow the reader to have a clearer idea as to when you actually presented your point of view instead of just discussing general opinions.
