Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Question about writing task 2 Ielts: Children play computer games


janeedilyss 1 / -  
Dec 28, 2021   #1
Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games.

What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?



Computer games have become more popular in over the world and children can easily gain access to them. This essay discusses the downside effects of playing digital games on computer of youngsters and gives measures to mitigate its bad impacts.

One of the major issues associated with this is that teenager's physical health will probably run a higher risk of contracting illnesses. This can be exemplified by how worse metabolism the youth get if they sit in front of computers for a long time. Another alarming problem is that children's characteristics could be worsen by playing computers games too much. They can get angry more easily and lose their patience to everything. As a result, those who play digital games on computers without control become more impulsive and careless about society.

There are two main measures to tackle this problem. One solution to this problem is for schools to organize more extracurricular activities and thus students could be closer to the nature and society. Another feasible solution would be for parents to incentivize theirs kids to do more outdoor activities. It leads to the result that their children will be kept far from digital devices.

To conclude, excessive playing computer games brings a myriad of detrimental impacts on children. Encouraging kids and organizing more outdoor activities are two measures to solve this problem.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989  
Dec 28, 2021   #2
This essay discusses

The prompt restatement is not grammatically perfect, but, the interpretation of the writer did not fall far from the original. Good job. However, the writer neglected to provide the 2 thesis sentences which were to provide the basis for his opinion score for the first scoring aspect of the essay. By simply repeating the discussion points, rather than providing clear responses to the question, the writer fails to create a reference to his actual thoughts on the questions provided. The examiner loses the ability to score the English comprehension skills of the test-taker based on his response opinion statement.

will probably

Since this is your opinion, it is important that you use convincing words in your presentation. When you obviously doubt the basis of your defense, the examiner will have no choice but to score down your paragraph based on the lack of a clear opinion yet again. The paragraph will be seen as under developed in terms of explanation as you are not strongly defending your opinion with believable reasons.

There are two main measures

While 2 possible solutions are presented, there is a lack of convicing explanation for both. Neither are completely developed as there are no references as to how effective these solutions are or can be. These suggestions only have a reasoning sentence in support of it, but no example of effectiveness. So both solutions are also under developed.

myriad of detrimental impacts

As this is a recap summary of the discussion, you have to be specific about the negative impact it creates. The summary conclusion must restate the topic, the writer responses, and offer a solid closing sentence in order to gain a high score.
axelkirsch 2 / 2  
Dec 28, 2021   #3
Your introduction is weak. You do not need to restate the prompt or directly say this is what this essay is about. It's just not necessary. I also believe that you can go deeper with the examples that you state.


Home / Writing Feedback / Question about writing task 2 Ielts: Children play computer games