This essay discusses
The prompt restatement is not grammatically perfect, but, the interpretation of the writer did not fall far from the original. Good job. However, the writer neglected to provide the 2 thesis sentences which were to provide the basis for his opinion score for the first scoring aspect of the essay. By simply repeating the discussion points, rather than providing clear responses to the question, the writer fails to create a reference to his actual thoughts on the questions provided. The examiner loses the ability to score the English comprehension skills of the test-taker based on his response opinion statement.
will probably
Since this is your opinion, it is important that you use convincing words in your presentation. When you obviously doubt the basis of your defense, the examiner will have no choice but to score down your paragraph based on the lack of a clear opinion yet again. The paragraph will be seen as under developed in terms of explanation as you are not strongly defending your opinion with believable reasons.
There are two main measures
While 2 possible solutions are presented, there is a lack of convicing explanation for both. Neither are completely developed as there are no references as to how effective these solutions are or can be. These suggestions only have a reasoning sentence in support of it, but no example of effectiveness. So both solutions are also under developed.
myriad of detrimental impacts
As this is a recap summary of the discussion, you have to be specific about the negative impact it creates. The summary conclusion must restate the topic, the writer responses, and offer a solid closing sentence in order to gain a high score.