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IELTS Question: Freedom of Creative Artists: restriction or not?


xyx0905 16 / 49  
Mar 16, 2012   #1
Creative artists should be given freedom to express their ideas (words, pictures, music or films). However, some people think government should restrict them sometimes. Discuss the both view and give your own opinion.

Nowadays the discussion about the authority of innovative artists has become a controversy. While some individuals believe that government ought to prohibit some of the unconventional artistic works to be publicised, others claim that they are supposed to entitle the rights to present their thoughts in the ways they prefer. 50

Admittedly, creative movies which contain frantic and erotic images need to be restricted for its publicity. Firstly, it could destruct minors' mental developments. Unlike the adults, children are often curious and keen to imitate the behaviours which have been sighted from TV programs, possibly because they are mentally immature and incapable of distinguishing the true meanings. Secondly, freeing artists' creation could arouse the misleading in the society. For example,singular artists are likely to use the subjective and critical languages and symbols when they turn a historical event into a documentary to achieve their reputation and economic profits. 98

However, promoting creative artists to convey their opinions has plenty of merits. From the national level, paintings could be one of the most meaningful objects which represents a nation's identity and its culture in many international communication. Thus, in order to prevent a country becoming less known and assimilated, encouraging the innovation of the unconventional art works would be a necessity. From the individual level, vogue art works could satisfy people's spiritual enjoyment. For instance, a stylish sculptures can be used as a decorations, which could be wonderful for creating a comfortable and relaxing living and office environment. 100

In conclusion, even though innovative arts bring some negative influences, it is convincing that they are one of indispensable parts of national identity and citizen's spiritual enjoyment. 27 / 275

P.S. I am the one always find that topics about art, history, culture, language and tourism industry are difficult to come up with substantial ideas!
Ashlin 1 / 3  
Mar 16, 2012   #2
arouse means evoke some feeling or emotion...
misleading (adj,adv)
suggestion:freeing artists' creation could produce a misleading view.(someting like that)

would be necessary

You could express a bit more your personal point of view in the conclusion.

I just can find this errors...My Endlish grammer and logical reasoning are not good.
Good Luck.O(∩_∩)O~
OP xyx0905 16 / 49  
Mar 16, 2012   #3
Hi Liu,

Thank you for your help. Cheers. About conclusion, when I took the IELTS training course, tutor mentioned, conclusion just restate the information in your main body (2 paragraphs), so that, I followed. Anyway, thank you for your comments!

Cheers

X.Wang
chalumeau /  
Mar 16, 2012   #4
***The word "admittedly" is used when you are admitting a point that refutes your main idea. I rarely use it at the beginning of a paragraph.

***A concluding sentence here.

***Similar to the word, "admittedly," the word ,"however," I rarely use at the beginning of a paragraph. It is a weak transition.

On the other hand, artistic expression merits its own place in society. On the national level, paintings and sculpture sometimes express a nation's identity and culture, while being less likely to harm its citizens. On the individual level, artworks contain spiritual elements that satisfy even the most hostile personalities. For instance, a stylish sculpture could be wonderful for creating a comfortable and relaxing living and office environment. ****Concluding sentence here.** **

In conclusion, artistic expression has some negative influences, but it is an indispensable part of national identity and citizens' spiritual enjoyment. ****Another sentence or two here.****

Good rough draft. Notice how I clarified some of the ideas for you.
OP xyx0905 16 / 49  
Mar 17, 2012   #5
Hi there,

--The controversy over freedom of artistic expression is a fundamental one that affects everyone with the ability to communicate, which is, nearly every person on the planet. While some believe that government intervention in public speech is necessary to prevent public harm, others believe that government restriction is an injustice. Although I believe that free artistic expression may lead to spiritual enjoyment and aesthetic appreciation, I also believe that ________.

Ideally, I wouldn't go for your version. Until the second half sentence (writer's position), already 69 words. In the test, I would like to say that I never wrote such long introduction. My word limit for introduction is around 35-55. But anyway, thank you for your help.
chalumeau /  
Mar 17, 2012   #6
While some believe that government intervention in public speech is necessary to prevent public harm, others believe that government restriction is an injustice. Although free artistic expression may lead to spiritual enjoyment and aesthetic appreciation, some forms may cause harm in both children and adults.

How is this version for you? Cutting words is rarely a problem for me. Words such as "I believe" are always unnecessary.

Good luck again.
OP xyx0905 16 / 49  
Apr 11, 2012   #7
Thank you so much for your help. In my introduction, I rarely use "I" to state my opinion. I use "Generally speaking" " Actually". Anyway, thank you for your comment. Cheers
peterc 14 / 52  
Apr 11, 2012   #8
Hi xyx0905,

I think although we employ different exam strategies, in general, the conclusion of an essay should be: restate the topic and your stand + 1 or 2 sentences of personal opinion/suggestions. I believe this sounds more natural. I hope it could help!
OP xyx0905 16 / 49  
Apr 11, 2012   #9
Hi there,

thank you for your message. I have no problem to your opinion. But my conclusion is 1-2sentence. I used to give 1-2 sentences more and even use that additional 1-2 sentences to provide my future predictions or suggestions, in fact, the comments told me I should stay with 1-2 sentences to restate my two paragraphs, that will be fine. So I only give 2 sentences now. :-)


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