Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The question is whether or not motorized flight is the greatest invention ever


melodyyyyy 2 / 4  
Jun 30, 2018   #1
Hi 4rum, im a new member. pls help me fix and mark my essay. my targer is 6.5 writing.tks for your help
Motorized flight is the greatest invention in the modern world. No other invention has had a more significant impact on our lives. Do you agree or disagree?

best invention of mankind



With the tremendous development of modern life, the appearance of enormous amazing inventions enable mankind to touch their hands in incredible dreams such as fly in the sky or travel to the universal. Whether or not motorized flight is the most wonderful invention which affects all activities of human is spark off a heat debate. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this statement.

It is undeniable that planes had a significant effect on human life. The emergence of airline brings to people a much more promising future, where a massive number of commercial trading conveniently occur, the foreign economic relations rapidly developed without geographical barrier, or students can travel to anywhere they want with the aim of widen their horizon. Series domestic and international flights are the backbone of economic, culture and society development of each nation. Besides, airline is safest traffic line in the world with 2% accident in total flights.

Moreover, we have to admit that there are a massive number of marvelous invention in many field which help to enhance people living standard, not to mention motorized flight. For example, in medical industry, in 1873, doctors and researcher together found out a vaccine which can eliminate measles virus out of the body, or in chemistry field, the Mendeleev periodic table lead people to have a deep sight and expertise knowledge about elements around us. Another instance, in term of information technology, Internet and computer has became an irreplaceable part in our daily life which allow us to do from simple things such as talking with friend or ordering some new clothing easily and immediately to huge things like exploring space or adapting to information explosion age.

In conclusion, it is more accurate that motorized flight is one of best inventions of mankind. Each invention is a cell in body, a part in machine and a miracle things in the human life.

tks you

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Jul 1, 2018   #2
Ho, your confusion in developing sentence structure and thinking in English is very evident in this essay. I mean, in the TA section you said you completely disagree and yet your actual discussion shows your partial agreement with the statement provided. Then, you proceeded, in paragraph 3 to discuss a totally unrelated to motorized flight topic under scientific and technological evolutions. These create the impression that your overall discussion is only partially correct when considering the topic you were given to discuss. Had you instead said "I partially agree / disagree" rather than "completely agree", then your discussion would have been more appropriate and accurate for the task set forth.

I also observed that you have a tendency to use researched information as the basis of your opinion. Please practice using personal opinion, logic, and publicly known information instead. Do not get used to doing research in order to respond to the given task because there will not be any internet access at the testing center. If you practice using the wrong exam setting, you will panic on exam day when the tools you got used to using are not available to you for the essay writing part.

To be fair to you, I will not grade this essay because you did not use the exam room set up when you wrote it. I will instead, await your second essay, which you will hopefully write with the suggestions above considered, and I will score that instead. You have made a typical beginners mistake and should be given a chance to prove your writing skills using the proper setting before a score is given for a practice run.
OP melodyyyyy 2 / 4  
Jul 1, 2018   #3
thanks for your feedback sir,
With all my respect, i have to explain that the detail data in my essay were written by my memories because i want to impress with examiner, and i am not sure about the year when vaccine was born

But i admit that i used dictionary to search some difficult words which i did not know how to write it such as measles virus, or irreplaceable, and i will try to remember these words


Home / Writing Feedback / The question is whether or not motorized flight is the greatest invention ever