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Question 26: Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. A learn for kids?


tunghs15217 1 / 1  
May 31, 2019   #1

presenting ex-criminals' experiences to children



Many criminals nowadays become good citizens after being released from prison. It is believed that they are the most suitable people to talk to children about the horror of committing crimes. Personally, I agree with this idea.

On the one hand, It is the fact that the way children are taught about criminal activities is quite boring. The traditional approach, having teachers who citing laws is extremely theoretical and uninteresting. Therefore, students will find it no interest in following to these classes. Having police officers sharing about crime experience is outdated and it just relates to one side of the story. As a result, it is clear that having a ex-criminals to share their own stories and how they turned to be good citizens would definitely a valuable experience for toddlers. For example, in Vietnam, the students always have a chance to see s.o who did a wrong thing but then realized their mistakes and strive to become better.

On the other hand, it is obvious why there are concerns about ex-cons being closed to their students. Firstly, there fear that students who didn't have deep understanding about the truth, consequently they will try to imitate these unethical behaviors, which leads to the increase of crime rate. However, these concerns should not be concerned at all. The ex-cons are mostly law abiding, therefore they may not harm children by telling mislead information. In addition to this, the meetings always be supervised strictly by teachers and parents, so it would be totally safe for these pupils.

In conclusion, although many people would argue that ex-criminals' experiences would be harmful, I believe that this is a innovative way to teach educate children on the dangers of breaking the laws.

Please help me

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
May 31, 2019   #2
@tunghs15217
Hello!

I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome! Let me help you with your essay.

First and foremost, I have observed that you have issues when it comes to the forms of your words. Make sure that you abide by conventional writing practices. Doing this will let you maximize your essay's potential because you'll have more space for interpretative expressions. Depth will be better attained through this as well.

That being said, I suggest that you look into the transition between your thoughts/phrases/sentences. It is noticeable how you use these cookie cutter statements instead of relying on more organic transitions. While these generalized transitions may be beneficial for you as they let you have more organized thoughts, I'd say that using more formal language can help you have more hold over the essay's overall outlook.

In that context, please do use appropriate terminologies that are in line with academic essays. Doing this would help you elevate your writing style.

Let's revise a few parts of your essay as a brief illustration of what these mean.

On the one hand, the way we teach children about criminal activities is uneventful. The traditional approach, of having teachers who citingcite laws is extremelysolely theoretical and uninteresting. Therefore, sStudents will find it no interest in following to these classes. Having police officers sharingshare about crime experiences is outdated and it just ... the story. As a result, it is clear that hHaving a ex-previously detained criminals to share their own stories and how they turned to bebecame good citizens would definitelybe a valuable experience for toddlers.

Try utilizing a different example at the very end instead of the one you have now. If you can retell a personal story of a policy like this in real life, it would be preferred than including a blanket statement that does not lead to anything much. Avoid these generalized examples as they do not add depth to your essay. Substantiation is the key.

I hope I helped. Best of luck in your writing!


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