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The question about publication of crucial scientific information - Ielts writing task 2 cambrige 12

thi112233 1 / 1  
Jun 18, 2018   #1
Some people believe that it is good to share as much as information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too invaluable to be shared freely.

Discuss both views and five your opinion.

effect of sharing academic data

It is true that academic knowledge has increasingly played an important role in human life, and some people argue two aspects of the publication of these information. In my point of view, this sharing has more benefits than its drawbacks.

On the one hand, there some reasons why people should curb the accession of scientific and business data. The first one is that this limit can prevent from the inappropriate use of many kinds of information which could pose a threat to global safety. Making a bomb, for example, might create a worldwide war if everyone including international criminals knows about this. In addition, scientists as well as experts who devoted whole life for study should be provided relevant rewards to their achievement such as their patents or copyrights.

On the other hand, the open access could bring about several advantages for the whole community. Firstly, students who do not have money for their study can easily approach various science or business knowledge. This helps young people might have an insight into their chosen field and evident references to develop current technology as well as invent the new one. Secondly, widely unveiling of technology could allow to manufacture technical products on a substantial scale. As a result, price of these goods such as smartphones, tablets, may reduce, and more people even the poor could own ones.

In conclusion, while people have different views of freely publicizing academic data, personally, I think this have more beneficial effects outweigh its disadvantages on global life.
Chris Farm 1 / 1  
Jun 18, 2018   #2
in my opinion, i THINK you should lengthen your open and your conclusion
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,308 3991  
Jun 19, 2018   #4
Vu, due to the fact that your essay totally discusses only your point of view rather than the two points of view as evidenced by your improper prompt paraphrase, your total essay is only partially responsive to the prompt requirements and as such, may not be able to garner a passing score because of it. The instructions are clear:

Original: Discuss both views and five your opinion.
Your Thesis: In my point of view, this sharing has more benefits than its drawbacks.

What happened to the instruction about discussing both points of view? Those 2 instructions for the discussion should have been first in your prompt thesis paraphrase. It should not have been only your point of view represented. That is why your essay is only partially correct in terms of task accuracy, which will tend to lower your score in that area to a low level. Compound that with your GRA, LR, and C&C problems and there is no way that this essay can pass the test. All because you failed to properly discuss the prompt in the first place.

Your paragraphs present more than one topic discussion each, when the instructions requires only one topic sentence per 5 sentence paragraph covering 3 bodies. This means that all of your paragraphs are little developed in terms of reasoning and discussion. As such, your C&C score will be greatly affected in a negative manner. Then, your grammar difficulties and inability to properly structure the sentences and paragraph has resulted in confusing and ill informed paragraphs for the reader which causes undue stress, thus further lowering your overall score.

This is not a well written essay all because you did not follow the prompt requirements for the discussion. When all of your errors are added up, it may be difficult for you to get a passing score based on the scoring considerations for the Task 2 essay.

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