IELTS essay question about vegetarian issue

is the vegetarian diet really so healthy?

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole.

Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

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The number of vegetarian raised dramatically in recent years throughout the world, and many people believe that not to eat meat or fish is beneficial for both human health and the world. In my opinion, I disagree with this idea, and my point of view will be illustrated in this paragraph.

It can not be denied that consuming too much meat may harm human health, and there are certain sorts of nutrition contained in vegetable which is essential for human. On the other hand, to fulfill the need of eating meat as a food source, more animal must be raised by stock farming industry, and it has been proved that over raising certain kinds of animals may damage the global environment. Moreover, the ethical issue of killing animals for food has been considered by many people recently.

However, is none meat diet habit suits every single person properly? For instance, some patience suffered from deceases that required to absorb more protein form meat, vegetarian style of dieting may cause their decease even worse. Further more, to tackle the environment issue caused by stock farming industry, people should find the way to minimize the need for the kind of animals which damaged our environment. For example, we should avoid consuming beef because cow emissions gas which causes climate change.

To sum up, be an vegetarian can get benefit for health and environment indeed. Nevertheless, it is less likely to suit everyone, and there is vital nutrition contained in meat as well. Thus, people should find a balance in absorbing different kinds of food source as well as protecting the environment.

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This is an IELTS essay question, can some one give me advises? Thanks!

Alex, this is an acceptable dual point of view discussion essay. You have a pretty clear presentation in terms of paraphrasing the original content except that your personal opinion presentation is a bit mechanical in presentation. A better presentation for that part would have been:

Based upon the public opinion regarding protein abstinence, this essay will discuss the merits of that eating practice and then compare it to my opposing point of view.

Based in the above presentation you would have accomplished 2 things:
1. Indicated what the discussion proper will be for the essay
2. Explain your point of view without requiring a full discussion in the paragraph.

For the body of paragraphs dealing with the given point of view, by saying that : "It cannot be denied..." that shows that you are discussing a personal point of view about the topic rather than the public point of view in support of it. Your reasoning in this paragraph is correct so you can retain that discussion. However, the topic sentence / opening sentence should have been clearer about the public point of view discussion. Opening with "The sector of the public that do not eat meat or fish do so because they believe that..." Thus showing that you do not support that opinion.

Then, in your personal opinion paragraph, the topic sentence should have been "I believe that abstaining from eating meat should be on a case to case basis..." That way you can show that your disagreement is due to the eating method not being applicable to all people due to health considerations.

Your concluding summary is a continuing discussion of the topic. You did not "sum up" the discussion at all. A "summed up" discussion, as required, presents the previous discussion in a similar manner to the opening paraphrase. This time though, it highlights the reasons for the discussion as per the body of paragraphs with a reminder of your personal opinion as the closing sentence. Your presentation was incorrect and cannot be considered a closing discussion for your essay.