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Nowadays, its is quite common for young people to have a break year before going university. IELTS2



wenyun 1 / -  
Mar 21, 2016   #1
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Nowadays, its is quite common for young people to have a break year before going university in many countrues .This trend is not restricted whether having a travel or work,but it is certainly a period of time become independence. However,this is a controverisal issue because it involves some benefits and drawbacks the most people are concerned,and i will discuss both prespectives in following essay.

Firstly,having a gap year is an opportunity for young people who want seeking their aspiration and enrich their experience and broaden their horizons.By travelling or working both are practical methods to found their interest and enthusiasm which give young adult getting

clear ideas in their laterlife.In addition,during a gap year,some young adult decide having a job to accommodation working conditions and societies,meanwhile,they can prepare some professional skills for the job market if their abilities are inadequate.Therefore, if young people return to the academic environment,they would make more effort to enhace theirself.

On the other hand, there is a possibility that some young people may never returning to their studies.They might lose some job opportunities for a reasonable career, if thay do not have a futher education.For instance, having a higher educatioal background is an essential factor for most multinational companies,because the societies is becoming the knowledge-driven economy,and as a reult, this will become the barriers.However,sometime the academic performance is not a only factor to judge someone's talent or abailiues.

In conclusion,a gap year is a ubiquitious phenomenon in nowadays,although there are some benefits and drawbacks which young people need to consider carefuly.However,this is not only a best way to get a clear perspectives of what they want also have more motivation to gain their batter life.

Varlamow 4 / 6  
Mar 21, 2016   #2
countrues
become independence I would connect it differently
,and i will discuss both prespectives in following essay.
Firstly,having a gap year is an opportunity for young people who want seeking their aspiration and enrich their experience and broaden their horizons................. dont use AND two times again in one sentence

some young adult decide having a job to accommodation working conditions.........would write: decided to have
if thay do not have..............they
,and as a reult ..............result
abailiues ............abilities
However,this is not only a best way to get a clear perspectives of what they wantalso have more motivation to gain their batter life.
justivy03 - / 2265  
Mar 22, 2016   #3
2nd paragraph

- Firstly ,having a gap year is an
- who wantare seeking
- theirfor aspiration
- to foundfind ( as your sentence is in a futuristic timeframe, use the present tense) their interest
- whichthat gives young adult
- getting clear ideas in their laterlife.
- decide that having a
- job to accommodationaccommodate working - they would makeneed to exert more effort
- to enhace theirselfget themselves ready for the world .

3rd paragraph

- may never returning to their studies.
- if the y do not have a futher their education.
- the societiessociety is becoming
- However,sometimes the academic
- performance is not athe only factor
- to judge someone's talent or abailiues.( what do you mean by "abailiues" ?)

Hi Hsieh, as you can see I made a few corrections in your essay, what I notice is that the form of the words you use does not fit in the sentences for the essay.

I hope this helped enhance your essay.
RAY93 35 / 166  
Mar 22, 2016   #4
Hy Wenyun, here my comment. check it, i may wrong. thanks

Nowadays, its is --> improper using of possessive pronoun quite common for young people to have a break year before going university -->need preposition in many countrues .This trend is not restricted whether having a travel or work,but it is certainly a period of time -->redudancybecome independence -->need subject . However,this is a controverisal issue because it involves some benefits and drawbacks the most people are concerned,and i will discuss both prespectives in following essay.

pay more attention in your writing so that simple but influenced problems such as misspelling would not being written.


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