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Raising the number of sports activities - the most efficient solution to boost the public health?


phuonguyen479 2 / 3 2  
Aug 26, 2018   #1

encouraging to physical exercises for better health



SOME PEOPLE THiNK THAT INCREASING THE NUMBER OF SPORTS FACILITIES IS THE BEST WAY TO IMPROVE PUBLIC HEALTH, BUT OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT HAS LITTLE EFFECTS AND WE NEED OTHER MEASURE TO IMPROVE IT

In the modern age, raising the number of sports activities is believed to be the most efficient solution to boost the public health. However, I support that both the above method and other approaches should be combined.

On the one hand, the increasing number of sports facilities would bring particular positive effects on the wellness of the public. First of all, due to he faster pace of life and the heavier workloads, people hardly have any spare time left after working as well as studying, so it will better if there are more easy-to-reach sports facilities. Additionally, more some work-out is necessary for the public to have a better health.

On the other hand, the above solution is supposed to bring only a few position effects. First, increasing the number of sports facilities does not attract all kinds of people because some of them may have financial problems or they may also have no interest in these places. Most people think that they are able to keep fit at their home without going to the gyms. Moreover, these activities take a long time to take favorable influence and people cannot wait, particularly the people who would like to lose weight. Because of this busy life and the fast speed of living, they are not patient enough to keep going to the gym and they want to take effects immediately.

As well as, physical activities, there are other ways of tackling the problem. The first measure imposing taxes on food and alcohol companies which decrease the number of people taking in them. Moreover, schools and universities should have more extracurriculars not only to encourage their students to be more active but also help to improve the public's health.

To reduce the health issue, people need a combination of many methods to tackle it.
THANK YOU (^.^)

Linh Dieu 8 / 16 1  
Aug 26, 2018   #2
I think your paraphrasing introduction and conclusion are too short to convey meaning and intention. You can either add some brief explanations or use alternative phrases to lengthen your sentences, which will bring you lexical mark.

Some mistakes I detected:
particularly positive effects
which decreases
And you need to explain this to some extent but just state it more some work-out is necessary for the public to have a better health.

Hope that helps
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Aug 28, 2018   #3
@Dang, where is the question of the topic? Without the full topic given in your post, we cannot accurately review your essay.
... both the above method...
It should be plural, methods.

.... other approaches should be combined.
' other approaches' should be deleted as one of the methods above is already suggested there should be other ways to improve people's health.

..due to he faster pace..
the
remember to proofread your writing before submission, in any situation.

..the heavier workloads...
I don't see any comparison in the context so I think heavy is more suitable in this case.

The conclusion is too short. You might need to work on restating all of your main points that you mentioned in your body paragraphs to this last paragraph.


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