Please tell me everything I could help improve on, changes that should be made to school a 5 or 6. Also, what would you have graded this? I am a Junior in High School.
Topic: The principal of your school wants to do random locker and bookbag/backpack checks for guns, knives, and other weapons.
I have to write a persuasive essay to the newspaper editor:
Dear Editor,
The principal of my school has instituted random locker and backpack/bookbag searches to check for guns, knives, and other weapons. I am in favor of the principal's decision. Having weapons on you is dangerous. Walking around with weapons is illegal. Somebody can get seriously injured.
Firstly, having weapons on you is dangerous. When you have weapons on you, it is dangerous because you don't know what to do with them. Weapons in school will make you feel paranoid. 78% of the people that bring weapons to school usually show their friends the weapons and makes the situation more dangerous, and gives them guilt.
Furthermore, weapons are illegal. Walking around with them in public schools doesn't make it any better. The longer the weapons stay in your possession of you, the more likely you will be caught. You can serve many tears in jail stated by Officer John in the Los Angeles Police Department.
Moreover, somebody can get seriously injured or killed. If something goes wrong, death might occur. In the book, "of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck, Lenny was with a concealed gun, he then later shot his best friend George, which he was then killed.
In conclusion, I believe that there should be random bookbag/backpack checks. Having weapons on you is dangerous. Weapons are illegal in schools. People can get seriously injured. I wouldn't want someone to pull a weapons on me, would you?
Sincerely, my name.
The principal of my school has instituted random locker and backpack/bookbag searches to check for guns, knives, and other harmful weapons.
I am in favor of the principal's decision. Having weapons on you is dangerous. Walking around with weapons is illegal. Somebody can get seriously injured.
yes, students carrying weaopns is dangerous and everybody acknowledges it. However, is that the only reason that persuaded to take the decision? I think you can give them more reasons; You can say that recent incidents happened that in various colleges gave an alarming warn to all the schools to be proactive to prevent such things happening at their schools. Also you can justify your opinion by highlighting the current harmful trends; youth is influenced by violent movies and cartoons.
Thank you for your feedback, I am currently re-writing the whole thing to make it look better, and with real statistics and facts. This will sure blow my teacher's mind.
Any other feedback is greatly appreciated and will be taken to consideration.
