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Random weightlifting reflection piece.


Mond 1 / -  
May 31, 2009   #1
Its a short and sweet piece that I randomly wrote. I seriously need to work on my writing. Hopefully the random practices combined with the feedback will help improve it.

Here we go:

What has weightlifting taught me?

I would love to come with a touching story about how it transformed my life, or saved my confidence, but it didn't.

It reflected my character, and most importantly, what I was made out. Over the years, it became my sanctuary, a constant in life. As a great weightlifter said, "two hundred pounds will always be two pounds." It does not lie, it isn't like the teachers who praise you or the assholes who makes you feel insignificant, it conveys a sense of realism in this chaotic world.

What has all of this result in? Well I am certainly not an expert, hell I am borderline an intermediate lifter. But what I do is never give up. Weights showed me my persistence.

Never, ever give up. When you get demolished by a weight, there's two things you can do: cry and whine like a baby and come up with a plethora of excuses, or you could actively search for a solution. This positive thinking may have caused the rise in my gpa. Who knows, maybe it was some other factor. I do what I love for the hell of it, I will take the plunge and follow my passion of nutrition, fitness, economics, and human physiology.

Thank you for taking the time to read it!

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
May 31, 2009   #2
"Random practice," as you put it, is such an excellent way to improve your writing, especially when you can get feedback, as you can here. As a writer who has been scribbling in notebooks since childhood (long before the internet), often just practicing by writing a "random" descriptive passage or argument, I feel a kinship with you for seeking to improve your writing in this way.

I find this essay charming in its style and content. Here are my suggestions for improvement:

Start the third paragraph with "weightlifting" rather than "it" -- In general, when starting a new paragraph, use a noun rather than a pronoun that refers back to the previous paragraph.

That's so true: Weightlifting isn't like the teachers who praise you or the assholes who makes you feel insignificant; it conveys a sense of real accomplishment in this chaotic world.

Well, I am certainly not an expert -- H ell, I am a borderline an intermediate lifter.

When you get demolished by a weight, you can do one of two things:

I do what I love for the fun of it; I will take the plunge and follow my passion of nutrition, fitness, economics, and human physiology.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
May 31, 2009   #3
I'd say you should flesh out the essay a bit more, possibly adding narrative elements to the beginning and middle. At the moment, you tell us what weightlifting means to you, but with a narrative essay, you could show us the same thing, and showing is always more interesting than telling. Your grammar and style are already pretty solid, so if you feel you need to work on improving your writing, I'm guessing its developing content in longer pieces that you are having trouble with, so why not expand on what you've written now and then repost it for more feedback?


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