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The range of fresh regular teachers in Ontario - back from 2001 to 2007.


nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Oct 26, 2016   #1
The graph below shows information about the reqruitment of teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.

The line graph gives information about the range of fresh regular teachers in Ontario. The information goes back from 2001 to 2007 and covers english and french languange teachers. Overall, a number of teachers who teach english slightly increase over those years, meanwhile french languange teachers went up a lot. Generally, it can be seen that demanded of french languange teachers bigger than english teachers.

The number of english and french languange stood at similiar point. It was about 70 percent in 2001. For the following year, the number fell by 20 percent.

It was started from 2003 to 2007, there was a different trend for each teachers. The number of french teacher slightly rose and hit a high point at 70 percent in 2007. While, teachers who teached english still drop until 2003 to 40 percent. The range of french teachers has remained fairly stable between 2003 and 2004 at 40 percent, but it was plunged to over 20 percent in the end of 2007.


  • Percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of garduation

IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Oct 26, 2016   #2
Hi nurainiyusuf16. Here are my suggestions for you.
I hope it can be helpful for you

1.

The information goes back from 2001 to 2007 and covers english and french languange teachers

when you write as it is written above, it means that "the teacher having a nationality of France, teaching a language". you should use the hyphen (French-language teachers) to make sure that the meaning of the sentence above is same as the question is.

2. "Meanwhile" is using when a thing happens. here is an explanation from CALD
until something expected happens, or while something else is happening
Carl's starting college in September. Meanwhile, he's traveling around Europe.


3. The number of english and french languangethe number of english-language and french-language teachers stood at the similar point.

4. Generally, it can be seen that demandeddemanded forof french languange teachers bigger than english teachers.

5.

The range of french teachers has remained fairly stable ...

Use present perfect tense when you found that the graph shows the data to the present time. For example: the number of Indonesian people who study abroad from 2000 to 2016(until present) has increased significantly.

Suggestion:
some of your words are misspelled. before you finish your text, it would be better for you to check your words double.

Goodluck !
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Oct 26, 2016   #3
Hi Aini.
These are my thoughts towards your writing. please, review mine.
^_^


The line graph gives information about...A BREAKDOWN OF PERCENTAGES FOR FOR FRESH TEACHERS GETTING A REGULER JOB IN ONTARIO FROM 2001 TO 2007, A 7-YEAR PERIOD IS PRESENTED IN THE LINE GRAPH. Overall, a number of teachers who teach english ... IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THERE HAD BEEN WIDELY A GAP BETWEEN THE NUMBER OF EDUCATOR TEACHING BOTH ENGLISH AND FRENCH LANGUAGE . Generally, it can be seen that demanded MOREOVER, DEMAND of french languange teachers HAD BEEN bigger than english teachers.

Note: "Meanwhile" is a transitive word. It is put at the first sentence and used to merge two sentences bacause that is not a conjunction. Besides that, before you upload your writing, you should reread your to make you sure that what you write is what you mind.

INITIALLY, The number of english ...
It was about 70 percent in 2001 . For the following year, the number fell by 20 percent.(You describe the data safely. remember your job in the writing task 1 that you have compare the figures.)

Turning to the body paragraph 2, you still described the data separately. Well, you can inform the data to readers, but it did not seem interesting. You are supposed to compare between the figures of french and English teachers. If you do not conduct like that, you cannot reach the score more than 6.

On condition that you wanna find the sense of writing task 1, you should read the examples of writing task 1 as many as possible. After that, you have to provide more time to practice again and again.

keep spirit
GOOD LUCK
badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Oct 26, 2016   #4
Hi. this is my suggestion.
1. The number of french teacher slightly rose and hit...
i think you can use noun= "a slight rise" or verb="rose slightly
i think it more suitable if you use "highest"

... rose slightly and hit the highest point at ...

2. The number of english and french languange stood ...
don't forget write nation with properly rule. e.g: English and France
there are many miss spellings, it should be like this:

The number of English and French language stood at similar point. It was about 70 percent in 2001. For the following year, the number fell by 20 percent.

3. there are many repetitive like when you notice "percent" may you can change with write in picture form like (%). so your serving information more attractive

good luck
Wilyaftika23 46 / 37 1  
Oct 27, 2016   #5
1. it can be seen that DEMAND of french language teachers HAD BEEN bigger than English teachers.
(Be careful with grammatical sentence)
2. The number of french teacher ROSE SLIGHTLY and hit a high ...
( Be careful with simple past (subject+V2)
3. ... and french language TEACHERS stood at similar point AT 70 percent in 2001.
... the number OF BOTH OF THEM fell by 20 percent.


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