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The range of visitors who travelled Brighton attractions in England between 1980 and 2010.


liv_ryu 13 / 22 6  
May 25, 2016   #1
The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

The line chart illustrates the range of visitors who travelled Brighton attractions in England between 1980 and 2010. Overall, it can be noticeable that, Pavilion experienced the highest percentage of comers in the middle of period.

Moving to a detailed analysis relating to Pavilion and Festival, Festival stood at 30 percent while Pavilion experienced only well under that number in the first of the period. Over the course of three decades, Pavilion saw higher level of visitor than Festival, with peaking hovering at double percentage of the beginning period. Interestingly, both figure intersected in 1985.

Turning into remaining figures, Art gallery and Pier witnessed the similar pattern while visitors were more likely to visit Art gallery than Pier. However, over the last following decade, the latter increased steadily while the former showed reverse and hit a low of less than one in ten in 2010. Astonishingly, both statistics crossed at 15 percent in 2005.




madmoiselle 21 / 33 5  
May 25, 2016   #2
... Festival stood at 30 percent while, Pavilion experienced only well under ...

... Art gallery and Pier witnessed the similar pattern while, visitors were more likely ...

Hi Liv, your essay is understandable however be careful on the punctuation :)
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 25, 2016   #3
Lily, I notice that you still need to elaborate this essay further, since it only has 154 words. This is dangerous to be maintained as a habit. Make sure that you reach 165 or 190 words per essay to avoid incomplete task achievement. Remember, incomplete task achievement will directly lead your essay to band 5 or below.

With regards to your introduction, you need to complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

The line chart illustrates...(1st sentence), It is measured in....(2nd sentence) Overall,...(3rd sentence)

Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.

There you are Lily, I hope you can follow through my feedback. Good luck for the next practice :)


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