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The Rate of Boy and Girl Students Passing The Exam Based on Subject of Study


Febri91 5 / 6 2  
Jan 18, 2016   #1
The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

The bar chart compares the percentage of boy and girl students passing the exams based on subject of studies from 2011 to 2011. At first glance, science studies have a larger successful student in the exams than social studies, while girl students are most dominant than boy students in every subject of studies except geography.

Regarding to science studies, computer science, mathematic, chemistry, and physic, the most girl students are success in computer science exam, at 56.3%, compared to 42.1%, boy students. The rate of Girl students is also larger than boy rate in other science examinations. For Mathematics and physic examinations, girl students are far less than boy students, while in chemistry examination, girl students have twice larger than boy students.

Turning to social studies which are history, geography, and foreign languages, the most subject that boy students are more successful than girl students is geography, at less than a third compared to more than a fifth, while in the other social examinations, girl students are still more dominant, despite just a very small number.




yogi07 4 / 3  
Jan 18, 2016   #2
from 2011 2010 to 2011
most girl students are success succeed in computer
I think, you should write task 1 in past tense than present tense..
ichatea07 27 / 24 10  
Jan 18, 2016   #3
... the percentage of boy and girl [MALE AND FEMALE] students passing the exams [EXAMINATIONS] based on subject(S) of studies -y from 2011 0 to 2011. At first glance, science studies have a larger [MORE] successful student(S) in the exams than social studies, while girl students are most [MORE] dominant than boy students in every subject of studies(,) except geography.

Regarding to science studies [THAT INVOLVE] computer science, mathematic, chemistry, and physic(S), the most girl students are ...
The rate of g irl students is also larger than ...
For m athematics and physic examinations, girl (...) chemistry examination(S), girl students have twice larger [DOUBLE PROPORTION OF THAT OF] than boy students.

... geography, and foreign languages, the most subject(S) that [IN WHICH] boy students are more (...) is geography, at less than a third compared to more than a fifth [COMPARED TO LESS THAN A THIRD], while in the other social examinations, girl students are still more dominant, despite [ALBEIT AT] just a very small number.

Let's put more paraphrases as you can level up your skill or band score from it. Besides, don't forget, buddy! This table explains data in 2011, so you should use PAST TENSES . Good luck!!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 19, 2016   #4
Febri, the mode of writing that you used in developing this essay report was casual and enjoyable. It makes the essay relaxing to read while never missing out on the information that the graph provided. You used connecting words properly and have a moderately difficult vocabulary. Whatever problems the essay has in terms of grammar did not prevent you from creating a well developed essay, in terms of data presented.

... have a larger successful PASSING RATE OF studentS in the exams than social studies, w

Regarding toscience studies, computer science, mathematic, chemistry, and physic Science studies, Computer Science, Mathematics, and Physics... are successFUL in THE computer science exam...G girl students is ARE also...rateS in other ... p hysicS examinations, girl students are far PASSSED less than boy students, while in c Chemistry..., girl students have PASS twice larger MORE than boy students.

... s Social s Studies which are h History, g Geography, ... the most subject that boy students are more successful IN than girl students is...
Fauzi17 6 / 6 1  
Jan 19, 2016   #5
... based on subject of studies from 2011(2010) to 2011.
... while girl students are most MORE dominant than boy ...

The rate of Girl students is(WAS) also larger than boy rate ...
... girl students are(WERE) far less than boy students, (...) girl students have twice TWOFOLD larger than boy students.
... subject that boy students are(WERE) more successful than girl students is(WERE) geography, at less than ...


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