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Rate and comment on my argumentative essay for GRE - super screen movies


xin 2 / 4  
Oct 31, 2017   #1
Please comment on the following argumentative GRE essay. This is my first attempt at it. Please provide feedback specially in relation to whether I have answered the essay task or whether I have gone tangentially.

Essay task-

The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company.

According to a recent report from our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen-produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies actually increased during the past year. Clearly, the contents of these reviews are not reaching enough of our prospective viewers. Thus, the problem lies not with the quality of our movies but with the public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available. Super Screen should therefore allocate a greater share of its budget next year to reaching the public through advertising.

My essay

Super Screen-produced movies attendance



The argument stated in the paragraph does not make a very persuasive case. While its believable that a share of movie-goers may not be aware of the quality movies available at the Super Screen movies, it does not seem likely that this is the sole reason for the fewer foottfall at the cinema in the past year.

Before arriving at the conclusion that funding for advertising should be increased so that more movie goers come to know that there are quality movies available at Super screen movies, one must answer a few questions to evaluate the veracity of this assumption. First, the production company must find if any new cinema has opened in the neighborhood where Super screen movies is. It is probable that a new movie theatre with better amenities could give a stiff competition to an old movie theatre. One must also find if any existing cinema theatre in the city has, in the past year acquired better sound or picture technology or has done infrastructural renovation. Cinema viewers value the complete experience and sometimes watching a quality movie is just a part of it.

Secondly the production company must also find out if during the last year, people have been exposed to an alternate home movie watching experience for example, the blu-ray. Many erstwhile cinema goers now swear by the visual appeal of the blu-ray DVDs. They also realize that its more convenient and economical than going to a movie theatre. In such cases, usually the home movie watching increases after the advent of the new technology but when the newly aroused interest fades away, cinema lovers resume going to movie theatres. So Super screen movie should observe the trend of attendance for a few years before forming any conclusions.

Answering the aforementioned questions will help the Super screen movie to find the real cause of fewer attendees. It would prevent them from wasting money on unnecessary advertising when the real problem may lie elsewhere like improving infrastructure, amenities, technology etc.

pier 11 / 37 9  
Nov 1, 2017   #2
Hi. Somaya, You need to provide the full prompt to get better feedback on your essays. Apart from that, I think you did not fully paraphrase the situation in your introduction.

The argument stated in the paragraph in the preceding statement does not make ais not very persuasive case.
for example, the blu-ray like Blu-ray
foottfallfootfall
movie goers moviegoers
Super screen
Secondly,
Since the prompt is not complete, there is not much to say about the whole essay but your paragraphs lack coherence and sentences are difficult to understand.

Hope these are helpful.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,061 2735  
Nov 1, 2017   #3
Somya, I am afraid my review of your essay is not good. You score a 0 in this instance because your response is off topic. The argument you were provided indicates that Super Screen is a movie production company. That means the company makes movies. They do not show movies. You mistook the name of the company for a movie theater company. A movie theater company is the company that shows the movies made by the movie production companies. You had an error in understanding the actual meaning of the term 'movie production company" and this led you to misdirect your discussion in the essay. Such a misdirection caused you discuss the topic in a manner that made the prompt go off topic. Which is why you were scored a 0 in this case. Please be very careful abut the way you write the essays. Make sure that you understand what the topic being discussed is all about. When you make a mistake with that, you end up with an off topic and failing score in the essay.
OP xin 2 / 4  
Nov 1, 2017   #4
Thank you for your comments and a big thanks to Holt specially for your insightful response.
I am glad that I made this mistake while practicing and not on the test day. I have indeed gone off-topic. After your response, I read ETS's sample response and found that I did not completely understand the task.


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