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IELTS - Reading books or Watching TV? 'Equal credits should be given'


zeable 1 / 5 2  
May 16, 2014   #1
Hi, I am zeable. I am preparing for Ielts test. This is my essay for a writing task 2. Please correct me. Thank you so much!

Some people spend more time reading books, while others prefer to watch TV. The former group is more likely to develop creative imaginations and have a much better grasp of language skills. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there are plenty of measures to obtain information and gain knowledge, among which reading and watching television are the most common ways. Some people believe those who prefer reading stand a better chance to have innovative thinking and greater development on language. However I personally object to this opinion and hold that there is no reason in saying watching TV is inferior to reading books.

Equal credits should be given to reading and watching TV in developing creative minds. As a matter of fact, imagining is closely entwisted to reading. When people read novels and magazines, what is happening in their minds is the restructure and reorganization of the information and knowledge in books. It is a most common way in which our imaginations function creatively and are improved. Nevertheless, the advantages of developing innovative thinking through watching TV should not be neglected. Some people criticize there is no necessity for our brains to work as all information on TV are shown in detailed and vivid images. Regarding this, my question is how a person can have the best understanding of a car if he doesn't see a car before. Admittedly or not, it is the fully depicted words, figures and stories that serve as source when our creative minds work.

In terms of improving language ability, reading and watching television both benefit human. The advantages of reading in developing communication skills are quite obvious. One of those is that the more books an individual read, the better literacy he or she has. The beautiful words and sentences obtained from books will directly contribute to a person's writing skill. The positive effect is also observed on people who watch TV a lot. However instead of writing, TV programs are probably more beneficial to people's listening and speaking skills. During the time spent on TV, a person will listen to other ones' talking, which will in turn have contributions to his speaking ability.

In conclusion, I am against the idea that reading books is better than watching TV in developing creative imaginations and a better mastering of languages. In my opinion they are equally important and helpful.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
May 17, 2014   #2
Did you finish it on time? You write very well. However, I have a few details to share:

how a person can have the best understanding of a car if hedoesn't see a car before

a person will listen to other ones' talking, which will in turn have contributions to his speaking ability.

The boldface words can be categorized as the faulty reference of a pronoun. Also, you'd better avoid a contracted form (see the red one)

the more books an individual readS ,

a subject-verb agreement

In my opinion ( a comma) they are equally important and helpful.
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
May 17, 2014   #3
When people read novels and magazines, what is happening happens in their minds is the restructure and reorganization of the information and knowledge in books.

Some people criticize that there is no necessity for our brains to work as all information on TV are shown in detailed and vivid images.

Regarding this, my question is how can a person can have the best understanding of a car if he doesn't see a car before?

The positive effect iscan be also observed on people who usually watch TV a lot .

However instead of writing, TV programs influence positivelyare probably more beneficialto people's listening and speaking skills.
OP zeable 1 / 5 2  
May 17, 2014   #4
good introduction :) Good writing too :)
Follow dumi's approach for this task;

Thank you. I will read your reference carefully.

The boldface words can be categorized as the faulty reference of a pronoun. Also, you'd better avoid a contracted form (see the red one)

Thank you for your opinion. To be honest, this essay was not finished within regulated time.

Your points are very fair and reasonable. I will try to avoid those mistakes in the future.

Thank you very much.
OP zeable 1 / 5 2  
May 17, 2014   #5
Thank you for your corrections. They are very helpful. The fluency is improved a lot.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 17, 2014   #6
Equal credits should be given to reading and watching TV in developing creative minds.

Your idea is not so clearly presented here;
Watching TV is equally as good as reading in terms of enriching young minds with vast knowledge.

As a matter of fact, imagining is closely entwisted to reading. When people read novels and magazines, what is happening in their minds is the restructure and reorganization of the information and knowledge in books. It is a most common way in which our imaginations function creatively and are improved.

There are two issues with above lines - first, they are not delivered clearly to the reader. Second, you spend too much time elaborating just one point. You need to be considerate about time too as this task is a time bound one.
Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
May 17, 2014   #7
Your essay is so interesting to read since your pov is clean and very persuasive . because the faults are all nearly mentioned above so i only have a tiny detail to share with you

The positive effect is also observed on people who watch TV a lot. However instead of writing, TV programs are probably more beneficial to people's listening and speaking skills

If i were you, i would change the red line into Compare to reading


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