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Task 2 - Reading books vs. Watching films and television

ritanguyen167 1 / 2  
Jul 28, 2018   #1
Hi tutors, could you please help to assess my essay below? This is the first time I create a post in this forum. Please inform me if you find any issue in my post. Many Thanks :)

Reading books keeps a person's mind active, whereas watching films and television is passive and does not require a person to use their imagination.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

both book and television have its pros and cons

*My Essay:
Book and television are two of the most popular entertaining activities for young people today. Someone said that reading a book will help our brain be more imagination than watching a film or TV show. I am not completely agree with this point of view.

The fact is reading a book will require us to focus on the words written there. Thus, we will completely concentrate on its content and help our brain be more imaginary. In contrast, when watching a film, we might be usually distracted by various advertisements. In addition, via a book, author can fully express his ideas without any limit of time. The more ideas araised, the longer his book is. This is what could not easily be achieved by film makers. The reason is long lasting films or shows will take more budget from producers.

However, it is no doubt that watching films or televisions would help us save more time than following a long book or novel. In some circumstances, one-minute scene on the screen can convey ideas of dozens of pages in related book. Sometime, with the support of sound and light effects, watching things on television give us greater experience than flipping book pages. On the other hand, many films ends with an opening situation which requires much imaginary from audiences. "Inception", a film in which Leonardo Dicaprio plays main actor, is a good example for this kind of ending.

To conclude, both of entertainments, book and television, have advantages and disadvantages for imaging process of our brains. Personally, I prefer reading books to watching stuffs on television because it bring me more knowledge and help my brain always be active.

sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Jul 28, 2018   #2
Modest essay. Let me analyse it:
"Book and television are two of ..." This sentence is a little bit clumsy. I'd write:

Books and televisions are common methods of recreation for youth nowadays
"Someone said that reading a book ..." again I'd write:
"Some people think that reading a book will help us enhance our imagination, rather than keep your eyes on the screen"
a good example OF
stuffs, as it is an uncountable noun.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,808 2616  
Jul 30, 2018   #3
Tri, you have a very well developed opening paragraph that is clear in its paraphrasing and response. Your answer to the prompt is appropriate and shows that you fully understand discussion topic and the required response format. Good job! You accomplished almost half the task at that point. Although, you would have scored better if your vocabulary was more appropriate. you need to learn to use the various word plays that come for a root word such as "imagination". You could have used the term "imaginative" instead to indicate a present word usage in the paraphrase since the discussion is ongoing.

The only problem, is that you represented a single sided, total agreement with the given point of view. This indicates that only a one sided opinion will be discussed to prove your opinion in the essay. However, your discussion was comparative, indicating a partial agreement only. Therefore, your response should have been "I am in partial agreement..." in order to allow your opinion discussion to represent both sides. This is only a small error in an otherwise acceptable essay. The score for this essay would have been around a 4 - 4.5 due to your inappropriate response format, problematic vocabulary use as you did not use present tense versions of the words, and some under developed paragraphs because of the incorrect response presentation.
OP ritanguyen167 1 / 2  
Jul 31, 2018   #4
Thanks @sillyman2000 and @Holt for your great feedback. I'll try to address the issues in my essay to improve my score :)
PaulthePhoenix 4 / 16  
Aug 1, 2018   #5
Dear Rita
Good structure and all but improve your vocabulary a bit more then it will be a fine essay
A small suggesstion to rewrite your introduction. You can write I completely agree/disagree with one problem but do not I partly agree or not completely agree as it present a weak argument in the examiner mind. Instead, if you want to present a balanced approach, two-sided argument you can use this template:

- While I do agree that book can help our imagination to a certain exent, I believe that movies/film has an equal roles in developing one's creativity.

Good job, keep it up.
OP ritanguyen167 1 / 2  
Aug 1, 2018   #6
Thanks @PaulthePhoenix! It's great to know that I should focus on a point in the topic in the case my vocabulary is not enough. Your sample sentence is also very helpful for me :)

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