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IELTS TASK 2: The Real Reason for Teenage Crime

Diandin16 9 / 10  
Apr 2, 2016   #1
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your aswer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

High parental attacment is of the pivotal role in human development. Recent study report a rise in violent crime among tenagers under the age of 18. Several psychologist declaration that the fundamental reason for this problem that childrens todays are not getting essential social and emotional learning from parents and educators.

Secure attachment is associated with less engagement in high risk behaviours to children. The recent study from Hoeve, Dubas, and Gerris in Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology suggest that the strongest link were found for parental monitoring, psychological control and negative aspects of supports such as rejection and hostility. In additional, Therefore, parents and educators should giving positive attachment experience to reduce delincuency. In turn, Attacment from parents and teachers lead to decuce risk of future antisocial behavior including violent crime.

Peer violence perpetrantion are the most common types of violence among youth. A 2011 Institute of Publich Health for Urban Health Research in Georgia State University found that among youth, attitudes supporting teens hitting teens significantly increased the odds of peer violence perpetration. For that reason delinquent peers to be instigators and reinforcers of violent crime . In turn, peers can be the cause of high rate crime.

To sum this up, aforementioned evidence reveals that the parent's strong affectionate attachment to their child is the child's best buffer againts a life of crime. In my personal view, positive parental attacment stands in crucial sector in emotional and social development of youngeters and teenage criminal behavioral has it is roots in habitual deprivation of parental love and affection.

behieli 7 / 19 4  
Apr 2, 2016   #2
I think for writing a good essay you should concentrate on understanding the topic and giving reasonable explanation to support your point. assembling some scientific data would not necessarily lead to an understandable piece of writing. The question you are challenged with is whether or not the epidemic violence among youngsters is the result of lack of education they received from their parents. however, in your essay you've focused on parental attachment and its effects on children behavior.

by the way, there are word in your piece with no meaning: delincuency, decuce, perpetrantion??
I guess you meant "on the other hand" wherever you've used : "in turn"
it may be helpful to rewrite the essay with your personal understanding of the topic. I'm sure it will improve by far.
good luck!
LaPolo11 12 / 28  
Apr 2, 2016   #3
High parental attacment is of the pivotal [...] learning from parents and educators.

make clear your sentence ,, since this sentence is confusing I guess (Several psychologist declaration that).. My suggestion is Several Psychologists decelerated that,,,,
also take a look at you SVA and Plural and singular words (childrens)

keep fighting guys

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