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Are the real teachers replaceable?

Can you help me to fix my short essay?

"Some people say that with the considerable benefit computers and the internet bring about, they can completely replace the traditional role of a teacher. Do you agree or disagree with it?"

computer and Internet instead of a real teacher?

As we all know, teachers play an important part in life. They not only bring knowledge to students but also teach children to behave in the right way. However, in this modern society, some people say that with the considerable computers and the internet bring about, they can completely replace the traditional role of a teacher. I partly agree with it because of some reasons.

On the one hand, I think computers bring about a lot of benefits. We can search anything we don't know on the internet to get information. In addition, we can learn many things that we aren't taught at school. For example, you can learn to play the guitar or other musical instruments. Besides, you can improve your foreign languages if you use computer wisely, such as learning Englisch by music or movies. Moreover, with a computer connected the ethernet, students can learn online at any time, in anywhere and with anyone. Therefore, nowadays, most of the people use the computer to study or work more effectively.

On the other hand, computers and the internet also have many disadvantages because there are both good and bad things on the internet. Students haven't been mature so that they can easily be affected by negative factors. Besides, when they self-study, they may find it hard to concentrate on the lessons on the web. Moreover, if children study with a computer instead of going to school, they can get some diseases such as nearsightedness or a headache.

Therefore, the role of traditional teachers is very important. When students don't understand the lessons, they can ask for the answer, so their study will be effective. In addition, when children have trouble in life or in the study, they can share it with teachers, or ask the teachers to know more about the job in future. Thus, students and teachers can make a good relationship and students will be more confident to face up the life.

To sum up, we shouldn't appreciate very high the play of computer and the internet. Although they help us much in life, but we cannot consider that they can completely replace the role of traditional teachers. If we weren't taught by teachers, we wouldn't know to use a computer or even writing a letter.

Hello Vo, this is an argumentative essay and you should stick to one side;you either agree or disagree. At some point you agreed and at another point you disagreed. You can't take both sides rather you stick to your opinion. The points you have listed are not strong enough. Pick one side and make a strong argument.
Jan 11, 2017   #3
Von, there is a major problem with the way that you presented the essay prompt in your first paragraph. You simply did a cut and paste job on the original material. Since this essay requires you to paraphrase or restate the prompt in your own understanding in order to prove your English comprehension ability, you will automatically receive a reduced mark in task accuracy due to the plagiarism involved in the opening statement.

Now, as the essay clearly indicates that you have to pick one side of the argument to discuss, depending upon the examiner, you may or may not receive full marks for discussing both sides. That is because, upon close analysis of your work, the arguments that you present for each side makes sense. There is logic in your presentation. Therefore, the final score for that sort of unique discussion will solely be up to the discretion of the examiner. If you impress the examiner enough with your discussion of both sides, you just may gain full credit for your presentation. Otherwise, the examiner could choose to deduct points for non-compliance with the preset instructions in the prompt.

I found you've tried to discuss the both sides and, in my opinion, I think it is fine to do so. BUT it will be better if you state your point- agree or disagree in the first paragraph, which can make the reader understand your point of view easily.

Also, I think there is a little bit mess because you throw many ideas, however, the coherence isn't enough. This makes your article like difference pieces of views without well-organized.

Hope it helps!
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